Is This The Only Song You Know?

So in the past week or so leading up to Christmas, I have seen at least three different versions of the Guitar Hero ad where various people recreate the famous scene from Risky Business. I get that that is an iconic scene and all, but aren't there other equally musical clips from other movies that we could use too? How about something from Flashdance, Grease, Dirty Dancing, or even the dancing in the library scene from Breakfast Club? There are tons of movies out there with just as unforgettable imagery - can't we have a little variety? It's a little boring to just see the same thing over and over, and frankly it makes me less interested in Guitar Hero because it makes me doubt the extent of their song selection. And who wants to play a game if it's the same song every time?

This Ad Is Thumb

You know the commercial where people are texting and they have faces on their thumbs? Hate it! First of all, the digital manipulation of putting the faces on the thumbs makes all the digits look really short and weird - can't we photoshop better than that by now? Second, each and every thumb character is completely obnoxious and annoying. Third, the thumbs aren't moving in realistic ways across the keyboards, making it obvious that no real texting is going on. All in all, this commercial sucks major thumb.

Why Would I Call You?

I like the AT&T commercials where the person's voicemail character explains why they missed the call while the person himself is getting arrested or in some otherwise unpleasant situation. But I do not understand why they have added one where the main character is a snowman complaining about the weather. This is just plain stupid. All of the other situations are extreme, but realistic, so I don't see why we have branched off into total fantasy. Snowmen can't talk, and as far as I know, they do not usually carry cell phones. And if they did, who really cares enough about a snowman to call him and warn him about a possible heat wave? And even if you did warn him, where would he go to avoid it? There are just so many problems with this commercial, and it really kind of ruins the rest of the series for me. I guess maybe AT&T could throw the focus on the fact that they'll give anyone a phone - no discrimination, even if you are an inanimate object! - but otherwise this is just lame.

What A Deal!!

Have you seen the ads for the Barack Obama Presidential Coin Collection? For the exceptional low price of $19.99 you can purchase a silver dollar, half dollar, and two quarters that have been painted on one side with Obama's likeness. That's right folks, only twenty bucks to buy $2 worth of change. It's good to be in charge of printing money, isn't it?

Monk, P.I.

The new ads for Monk, featuring all of the cast, in character, starring as themselves and set to the Magnum P.I. music? Awesome. The fact that new episodes are coming on in just a few weeks. Also pretty sweet.

Uggghnuts

So McDonald's has these new commercials where people who are really crazy about chicken mcnuggets are called "nuggnuts." Now, I think it is weird enough anyone would be that into chicken nuggets when you can get chicken tenders from Burger King or the popcorn chicken at KFC which are both vastly superior. But basically, I think "nuggnuts" sounds like a pretty decent insult. I definitely wouldn't want to be called that, and I think in certain areas calling teh wrong person a nuggnut would get you punched in the mouth. So I have to say these commercials are less than effective, as it seems counterintuitive for a restaurant to be denigrating their customers for liking one of their products. I do however like the ad with the faux R&B video where the guy sings about his girlfriend sneaking out at night not to cheat, but to get mcnuggets. That one is kind of amusing.

There Is A TV God

So, as a result of dismal ratings Rosie O'Donnell's new show has been cancelled after only one episode. I don't have to give away my television after all. Pheeew!

Oooh, A New Show

TNT has a new show called Leverage that I am going to recommend after seeing two episodes. It airs on Tuesday nights (seriously, do the networks even know there are other nights in the week?) and it's like a cross between Ocean's Eleven and Robin Hood. A gang of talented, witty thieves and con artists use their skills and neat tech gadgets to bring down corrupt corporations in order to help the little guy. And maybe make a little profit themselves. So far I really like it - I've set a series recording for my DVR.

Know Your Audience

So on Friday night I was up watching a little tv before bed at about midnight. One of those "dating" phone line commercials came on - you know, the ones where slutty/attractive women ask you to call them because they are so lonely or bored or whatever? Now, this in itself was not surprising, although it was one of the tackier versions I've seen. What was odd about it was that it was definitely targeted to men (I've seen ones that are for both sexes, this was not it) and it was on during The Starter Wife. Do you really think that the type of people who are up at midnight watching this program are the same type of people looking to call up some bottle blondes? Me neither.

The Librarian: Curse Of The Judas Chalice

So, you can call me whatever you want, but I am totally excited by the new Librarian movie premiering tonight* on TNT. Yes, we are talking about a made for TV movie about a super-educated know-it-all who travels around the world having adventures and saving supposedly mythical arrtifacts (i.e. Excalibur or the Ark of the Covenant). But I like them. And apparently other people do too since this is the third movie. Maybe they are cheesy and silly, but I enjoy them - and my DVR is all set for tonight's big debut. I'm sure that this film can probably be viewed as a stand alone, but I do recommend giving the first and second films a shot as well - rent the dvds and have yourself a fantasy marathon!

*update: I am still extremely excited, however the movie is not actually on until Sunday. But the good news is, all three movies are airing back to back, so you can just veg out and watch them all!

Is This Supposed To Be Fun?

Now that it is the holiday season, commercials are springing up for all sorts of games and products that we wouldn't normally see. One of these is Pictionary Man, and I must confess this doesn't look the slightest bit fun to me. It is apparently like regular pictionary, where you draw out clues and your teammates guess, but instead of paper, you draw on a man shaped doll. And maybe there are some charades thrown in too, judging by the ads - probably to compensate for the inadequate drawing surface. This just looks really lame to me. Regular pictionary can be really fun - and with regular paper you can start over new anytime you want. Drawing on a stupid figurine doesn't look fun at all - definitely not an improvement on the original.

Grrrr, I Hate This Kind Of Book!

I have started a new book, and it one of the ones where each page is a different width. Why to publishers do this? Do they think that it is charming and makes the book look handmade or are they just putting them together on the cheap by using left over pages from books of all different sizes? Because it is really annoying. It makes it totally impossible to flip through the pages at any speed, and simply turning one as you go takes a break in concentration that really ruins the enjoyment of the story. I hate it, and I hope that all publishers read this and abandon the practice immediately.

Fish Face

Watch out for an ad that is for the Xbox 360 and it's link to Netflix. It features a close up of a woman, and then pans around her head to show that she has a tiny movie theater in the back of her skull. Pretty weird on its own, but my main point is this: Doesn't she look like a goldfish?

Bulb-O-Rama

I don't usually like the ads where exceedingly stupid customers are helped by unbelievably patient and smiley sales people. The perfect example of this is an ad I have commented on before that has run the past two years, and which I hope will not be seen again. It's just not realistic. I mean, the stupid shoppers are a given, but sales people are never that chipper, and definitely not during the holidays when there are lines out the door. I am also not particularly fond of the whole super-over-decorating the outside of your house thing- it's not funny and it's definitely not cool. However, I have found an exception to these "rules", in a new ad for Ace Hardware, where a guy tells the sales girl santa that he wants his house to be a "bulb-o-rama" so that the astronauts in space look down and say "what's that? Oh, that's Bob's house." I find his gooberish enthusiasm appealing for some reason, and I find that this ad doesn't annoy me like most of the others do. I also really like the phrase bulbo-o-rama, and wish I had more reason to use it cause it's fun to say. As for the rest of this genre - how's about we see some ads where the stupid customers are helped by increasingly impatient salespeople who have better things to do than hand hold idiots. That would be more in keeping with the holiday shopping season.

Ahhhh, The Obvious

The other day, driving down the street, I saw a truck with this clever slogan: "if it's in stock, we have it." Well, yeah, I would hope so - that's the basic principle of inventory, isn't it? I like that it makes it sound like they have all kinds of stuff - anything you could need really), when in actuality their shelves might be totally bare without negating their motto. Now of course, if they chose this slogan without thinking of that aspect then it's just lame - might as well say "if the door is unlocked, we're open."

The Apocalypse Must Be Nigh

Rosie O'Donnell has been given yet another show. And what's worse, she has been allowed to "sing" in her commercials, and swan around like she is not only attractive, but entertaining in some way. I cannot quite figure out why anyone thinks that lobotomized mental patients are a big enough market to warrant a show targeted directly to them (because, seriously, who else could stand her?), but I am quite sure that this signals the end of days is approaching. If television weren't like crack for me I would start a boycott. As it is I am less interested in continuing with all of my NBC shows because even though I watch them on DVR and speed through the ads, I still occasionally get a flash of her mug. But at least I don't have to hear that warbling.

This Is A Test, This Is Only A Test - To See How Dumb You Are

I have mentioned this topic before, but I feel it needs to be revisited due to a new development in its annoyance. As you may know, in February all television broadcasts are switching to digital - making antenna reception no longer viable without special converters. We will ignore the fact that these products are being developed for completely outmoded technology in the first place, and instead focus on the fact that instead of just airing commercials about the subject whoever is "in charge" of this is now interrupting shows themselves. Ostensibly these interruptions are presented as "tests", but they seem more like sensationalism trying to panic people into calling the informational hotlines and getting the converter boxes. They don't even have the courtesy to use that message you get before emergency broadcast tests - you know, the one that ends" we now return to our regularly scheduled programming." They just completely switched from the middle of one scene and then just as abruptly returned to the middle of another. This is extremely irritating - I could be missing crucial lines of dialogue just so the few people left with antenna reception (seriously, how many can there be?) can get some information they have been exposed to for months. Does the vewing public really need to suffer just in case some people are too stupid to have paid attention to the thousands of ads that have already run? And if they haven't noticed those, do you really think they are carefully watching the special tests now? Or do you think maybe they're using the time to run into the kitchen for more Cheetos?

ps: I also really like the ads run by Comcast letting their customers know that they don't have to do anything because their service will continue uninterrupted. Duh - how stupid do you have to be to NOT know you DON'T have a tv antenna? I seriously hope those people don't have drivers licenses.

Tuesday Night Fever

What is with Tuesdays this year? It seems like practically every show I want to watch is on Tuesday nights - which is an issue since my DVR only tapes 2 shows at once, and you can't watch a third channel while it is doing so. The problem comes when there are two shows taping at 7pm, when the kids are still awake, because we can't watch their programs. Fortunately you can watch previously taped shows (or DVDs of course), but it still doesn't answer the question of why everyone put the good stuff on Tuesday night. Why not spread it out a little? Obviuosly, if everything appeals to me then there are some common threads to these shows - woudn't it be nicer if they aired all throughout the week? I could of course pace myself watching them over several days instead of cramming all day Wednesday, but that would be like only eating one cookie or something, and we all know that's a statistical impossibility.

Dude, That's A Girl Car

The new Chevy Traverse is clearly a chick car. It looks like a totally normal crossover vehicle, but I have never seen such a specifically targeted ad campaign before, so it must be for women only. In case you haven't seen the commercial, it features a woman in the car stopping on the street because it is raining shoes. She quite understandably gets out of the car to gather up as many as she can, and utilizes the storage space in her Traverse to hold as many shoes as possible. Not exactly a man friendly spot. nor is it especially the most effective either, since every time I see it I think it is an ad for DSW Shoe Warehouse rather than for a car. It also assaults my sense of logic, because while I would totally be grabbing shoes with abandon if they started raining from the sky I would A) wait for them to stop falling in order to avaoid being clonked on the head by an especially heavy wedge or impaled on a stiletto, and B) make sure I was getting pairs of shoes. Imagine how frustrating it would be to get home and find your whole treasure trunk of shoes contained only lefts. Anyway, with the female focus of this advertising, I'm left to wonder why the Traverse is so specifically for women, as well as why, if intended solely for us girls, they didn't give it a girlier name. Like maybe, the Chevy Epicene.

Oh My Aching Head

There is a new migraine medicine on the market, Treximet. In the commercials, women suffering from migraines are standing around holding their heads - at waist level. Apparently migraines are so awful you would prefer being decapitated, presuming of course that you could still go about your day of shopping and hawking drugs on tv. Not being a migraine sufferer myself, I feel like I would rather deal with the headache and keep my hands free for other things. All I know is this spot is bad enough to make me need some heavy duty headache medicine myself - which on second thought might be a really clever ad campaign.

I Knew There as Reason I Wanted More Kids

I love the commercials for the Volkswagon Routon with Brooke Shileds begging people to have babies for love rather than German engineering. Very funny. And since I'm currently in the market for a minivan (just can't squeeze three carseats in an SUV), I wish that just being pregnant could guarantee you'd get one.

Must Sigh TV

I have to say I have been pretty disappointed with the new shows this year. There weren't very many I was even interested in to begin with, but now that I've seen all of those at least once, I have to say I probably won't be sticking with many (if any)of them. Eleventh Hour looked like a neat show, right up my alley, what with a socially awkward genius solving crimes, but I have to say I think it stinks. The main character is not quirky enough to merit the special treatment he gets, nor does he even appear to be all that miraculously smart. I have only seen one episode, but it was so predictable, dull, and lacking in cool new scientific revelations, that I doubt I'll make a point of tuning in again. Plus, the bad guy got away, which I don't object to in general, but for that to really fly the enemy has to be really interesting and introduced as a true nemesis - when that doesn't happen (like it didn't on Eleventh Hour) the good guys just look stupid. Not a great basis for fan following. The other new show I just gave a shot to is The Mentalist. Despite (or maybe because of) its resemblance to Psych I thought I might enjoy it, so I gave ti a whirl last week. So far I'm on the fence. I like the sort of easy going joie de vivre of the main character, but it isn't played up enough. Is he just a trickster like Shawn on Psych, or is he supposed to be more off kilter and unusual like the Charlie on Life? Also, I can't decide if I like that he just knows things by looking at people but the show never explains what clues he's seeing, or if I would prefer to be given the clues myself so I can bette runderstand how he catches the criminals. Because of this I feel it plays kind of uneven, but I think it bears watching at least one more time. In general, I guess I'm glad that there aren't more shows I feel the need to really get into, but it is still annoying when something that looked cool turns out to be lame. My only hope for redemption is Dollhouse, the midseason offering from another of my favorites - Joss Whedon. Neither he nor JJ Abrams has let me down yet.

I've Got Dumb In A Bottle

Because there was a comment on this ad - I want to talk about the Zyrtec commercial which says "I've got time ina bottle." So stupid. You don't have time in a bottle, idiot, you just have allergy medication. Medication which apparently makes you think in lame metaphors related to old songs. Maybe Zyrtec works faster than Claritin (seriously, what medication takes 2 hours to work? Can that be right?), but it doesn't give you any time you didn't already have. Perhaps you would sit at home doing nothing at all until your meds kicked in (if so, buck up, loser, its just a runny nose), but my assumption is that most people can still manage to function while suffering from their allergies. And if you can't do the kind of math involved to figure out when you need to take your pills so that the effects never fully wear off in between doses, than you have bigger problems than hayfever my friend. By the way, since Zyrtec supposedly makes you drowsier than Claritin, have fun using your two new hours to nap.

Wendy's Gets Off The Short Bus

I have some hope for Wendy's commercials yet: their latest ads feature comments on the economy as compared to the value menu. The best one features two guys sitting around eating the $.99 cheeseburger and one says to the other that his burger has already appreciated in value. To make his point he asks for a dollar from the second guy, who complies. Then he asks if he can have the second guy's burger, and when he won't give it to him, he says that proves his point. Pretty clever. So either Wendy's has ditched the dingbats they previously had in charge of their marketing campaign in favor of smarter, more clever folks, or the stupidity of earlier ads was just a temporary affliction. Regardless, when the ads are better the viewers win. Yay!

Don't Track Dirt Onto My Dirt!

Last night I saw a commercial for the Woolite RugStick - a cleaning device for carpets. it featured a woman who wouldn't let her friend come in out of the rain because she suffered from "dirty carpet anxiety." This would have been an effective example of someone being such a paranoid clean freak they won't let anyone walk on their carpets, except that the commercial had already shown the carpet to be very stained and dirty. And that makes no sense to me. If your pristine white carpet is already stained with tracked in dirt, then what's the big deal? Shouldn't you have made your friends stand on the porch before they got your house all dirty? Doing it afterwards seems like a pretty stupid plan to me. Especially when, according to the timeline on the ad, you are planning to clean right after your friend leaves anyway. And of course there is always the common sense fact that if you suffer from dirty carpet anxiety what you need is not the RugStick - it's hardwood floors. And maybe a psychologist.

I Just Want To Brush My Teeth - Not Simulate An Earthquake

There is a commercial for the Oral-B electric toothbrush that emphasizes the vibrations of the brush by showing plates rattling and stuff shaking off of shelves while people brush their teeth. Does this strike anyone else as overkill? I certainly do not want a toothbrush that vibrates so violently that my dishes all the way in the kitchen start shaking while I'm brushing my teeth - that seems painful. And if it is able to shake me so hard that the stuff on my bathroom counter starts falling off, well, that just doens't sound like something I want in my mouth. How clean do your teeth need to be, anyway? My regular toothbrush does a fine job, and my electric one gives a nice gentle massage to my teeth and gums - I don't need sandblasting. I mean, the goal is to remove plaque and food, not enamel, right? I'd be afraid that the oral-B would eventually scrape my teeth down to nubs - assuming they didn't fall out from gum erosion first. And a nubby, toothless smile is not the look that I'm going for.

Irregularly Scheduled Programming

So last night, as usual, my DVR was set to tape Bones so I could watch it after the kids go to bed. However, unlike usual, last night the President decided to blab to the nation, resulting in my tape only recording 3/4 of the show. This is frankly unacceptable. Yeah, I know, we are never going to get the politicians to shut their mouths, but can the networks please have some sort of contingency in place for loyal viewers? According to tvbythenumbers.com (which may be crackpot, I don't really know), Bones is one of the highest time shifted shows on tv (meaning watched on DVR rather than live), with the season premier having over 2 million viewers watching on DVR. And let me tell you - those 2 million viewers are now pissed that they missed teh ending of this week's episode. I accpet that there really isn't anything the networks can do in terms of affecting the taping process, but perhaps they could utilize the internet a little better. Fox.com has full episodes available for viewing, but they only have up through last week's show. SO here is my suggestion: please upload your shows onto the internet faster. If they have aired on tv, they should be available online. It keeps you up to date in today's whirlwind media environment, and it calms down the irritated viewers who miss vital episodes due to stupid talking heads. As for me, I will very impatiently wait until I can watch the final 10 minutes of the show online, and I'll give the candidates a tip: you are going to foster a lot of ill will if you preempt too many prime time shows. Don't mess up my DVR schedule and maybe you'll get my vote.


note: the Fox website now has the latest episode available for viewing so I'm all up to date on whodunit.

Narrative Flaw

I just finished reading a book (Blindsight by Robin Cook), that featured two different narrative tricks: the first is where the reader solves the mystery way before the main characters because we have all the information, and the second being the trick of having the characters figure it out but the author doesn't explain the mystery until the very end. I have obviously come across both of these before, and they can be satisfying in their own way - but they absolutely do not work together. The first structure csan be fun because as a reader you have solved the problem and you are excited to see how the author will allow the main characters to discover what you already know. The second is only effective if the plot is so twisty you can't figure out the twist on your own, so when the main character does it is frustrating (in a good way) and you have to keep reading until the climax when everything is revealed. When both of these are used together all it does is make you think the characters are especially stupid - and when they finally figure it out but it still isn't explained you just think "yeah, we get it. Now finish the story already." Probably not the atmosphere of suspense the author was going for.

Fringe Benefits

Well, Fringe has officially been elected my favorite new show this season (actually, it may be the only new show I've watched this season, but no matter). It isn't surprising since it is by J.J. Abrams and I've liked all his other shows - Alias is one of my all time favorites. So far Fringe has been enjoyable - and it passes the desireability test in that I want to watch it every night. So I'm glad that it is back on tonight. Wow - this entry is really boring - I'm going to blame my lack of focus on Jack and Izzy, who are screaming to play with the computer and repeatedly elbowing me in the abdomen respectively.

The Project Runway Outreach Program

I would like to start this entry off by saying it is not my intention to be mean. I am certainly not trying to sit up on a high horse and ridicule anyone for being less genetically gifted than anyone else. But having said that, I must comment on last night's Project Runway. The episode featured the designers working for recent college graduates - trying to give them a look for their new careers. And I do not know what the casting requirements were, but they managed to put together a remarkable group of girls who were, shall we say, less than Heidi Klum-esque. Way less. The best among them would be lucky to qualify as average on her best day, and the worst, well, we'll just call them unique. The show also featured the girls' mothers, and the issues were certainly explained in that arena. And yes, I do feel bad mentioning this - it seems like a cheap shot - but I was actually sort of uncomfortable watching because of the extent of awkwardness on screen so I just had to comment. I mean, where did they get these girls? I certainly don't feel like everyone on television has to be gorgeous, but the degree of homely depicted in this episode seems to me like it would have taken effort to compile. And if the producers went out of their way to find unattractive women for the show hoping the designers would find them less than desireable to work with then that is just mean. Fortunately the designers all worked with class and seemed to really enjoy their clients - there were no catty comments on less than perfect bodies or anything else which was refreshing and somewhat surprising. And it was a pleasure to see the girls' mothers just beam with pride when their daughters stumped their way down the runway. But seriously, where did they find those girls?

Somebody Is Watching Too Much USA - Or Not Enough

Does anyone else notice the similarities between the new show The Mentalist and Psych? Both feature a character with unusually heightened skills of observation pretending to be psychics for the police. Yes, one looks as though it has quite a bit more comedy to it, but seriously, CBS, you are ripping off an existing show. Which I suspect you know since you are airing previews for your show during airings of Psych. Of course, there is certainly room for more than one show with a similar premise on TV (L&O, CSI, etc), but you could at least try to be a little subtler about it. And throwing in his catch phrase of "it's a gift, pause, pause, sort of" is just a bad rip off of Monk's trademark "it's a gift, and a curse." I meam, the pause could have been put in there just to let viewers fill in the rest on their own without having your character directly quote another network's show. And your promos - come on, the stuff he is noticing is so blatant and obvious that I totally don't buy the concept his powers of observation are special - any dope can see a big lipstick mark on some guy's collar. So I guess what I'm saying, is The Mentalist better step it up. I'm willing to give it a shot, but the goods better be better than the tease.

The Boob Tube Blahs

As a television addict, I have to say I am greeting this new season with a serious lack of interest. I'm not sure where it is coming from exactly- all the shows I like look good and there are definitely some new ones I'm interested in checking out. But I just don't actually feel like watching anything. I think maybe it is because I can't actually sit and watch a show as it comes on - I have to record it and wait until after the kids go to bed. And while I do really like watching shows and zipping through the commercials (although that affects my ability to comment here as I'm sure you've noticed by lack of content), there is sometihng special about checking the clock and making sure you have everything all ready to watch your favorite show as it comes on. Catching up with it on tape (yeah, yeah, DVR, whatever) just doesn't have that same "appointment television" feel about it. It almost feels like homework - like "I have to watch this" instead of "whee my favorite show is on!" Of course, even with this strange ennui I'm still making sure I see all of my shows - I haven't gone so crazy as to actually turn off the set.

Raise Your Arms If You Hate This Ad

So I really can't stand the Secret Flawless commerical where the girl keeps finding lame reasons to raise her arms as she walks around the city. (it is actually annoying enough that I didn't even know what brand it was for until I looked it up. I guess I blocked it out, but apparently there are lot of other people who despise it too and paid attention.) First off, the premise is totally stupid. Secondly, the girl herself manages to take a bad idea and make it even worse with her irritating personality. Good job. I think I hate when she hails the taxi and then says she's going to walk most of all. That's just mean, but it does explain why taxis just drive by when you try to hail them - they think you are playing tricks so you can flash your armpits.

They Work With Hair, Not Brain Cells

I'm going to talk about an ad for Bosley Hair replacement. i know I know, easy mark right? But I'm not going to mention how lame their spots are because they always have been that way. Nor am I going to comment on hearoing once again how it is your real hair and you can swim in it. Wheeee. And I won't bore you with speculation on how stupid their clients are, because we all know guys who go bald and jsut accept it and move on with their lives are infinitely more attractive than the losers who refuse to acknowledge reality. No, what I wan't to mention is this quote from their ad: "Bosley is the world's leading hair restoration experts." Well, they may be experts in hair restoration, but they are clearly not grammar experts. So I'll give 'em a tip - you can't be Bosley singular if you are going to be experts plural.

And Now, A Word About Sponsors

I have determined why I love the Disney Channel so much. Occassionally my daughter decides that she wants to watch cartoons - which basically means anything animated that she doesn't already know the name of, i.e. Tigger and Pooh, which we watch everyday, is not a cartoon, but SpongeBob, which I can't stand, is. I blame my husband for this because while I never give them a choice and just automatically put on Disney (meaning they wouldn't even know there was other crap out there as an option), he never does, and instead will put on any old cartoon regardless of how terrible or age inapproriate. Anyway, when I can't dissuade her from cartoons, we switch to Nickelodean or Cartoon network. Almost immediately I am bombarded with disgust at how terrible the commercials are - every single one is the most blatant, consumerist junk and you you can just hear it trying to brainwash your kids into begging for these toys. In two minutes last night we saw ads for some tacky, neon hair extension thing, some terrible space props that might have been Star Wars light sabers, and Sketchers shoes, or possibly a video game featuring Sketchers shoes, I'm not sure. These ads (not to mention the primarily lame/offensive shows themselves) immediately turn me into someone who wants to burn the television in order to save my children from its evil. And I am someone who can easily have the boob tube on 15 hours a day. Anyway, I was complaining about how horrible all of these ads are to my husband, and trying to figure out why I don't get any feelings like this when we watch the Disney channel, so today I paid attention. And you know what? I figured it out. It is because there aren't any ads on the Disney channel. Yes, there are breaks in the programs, but all of the commercials are for other Disney programs. For sure, this gets pretty repetitive (I may have to slap someone if the Cheetah Girls say "cheetalicious" one more time), but mainly it's easy to tune it all out without worrying that my kids are being exposed to images of toxic sugary treats and mind melting toys. And for a brand that is seriously consumerist, I think it is pretty surprising. I mean, I haven't been toa store in months that didn't have Hannah Montana plastered all over everything, so it totally wouldn't shock me if Disney used its commericals to hock sheets and lunch boxes. But it doesn't. It doesn't even try to push DVD's of the shows. All we have are simple, cheesy, non offensive children's programs that I am happy to let my kids watch without worrying they are going to be corrupted or turned into greedy monsters, and ads about the programs. Impressive.

Word Play

I was watching tv the other day (what else is new?) and reading a magazine, when an ad for Januvia came on. perhaps it was because I happened to be looking at a picture of Anne Hathaway right at that moment, but I noticed the similarity between Januvia and Genovia, the made up country she is princess of in The Princess Diaries. None of this has anything to do with the other, I just thought it was weird.

I Laughed Until My Cankles Hurt

Thank you, Lexmark, for giving me the best laugh I've had in a while. Your commercial started out a little bland: a family is sitting around with cords running everywhere interrupting things and the father explains how it is a metaphor for how even though things have gone wireless, they are tied to the printer. But then the grandmother says "your metaphor is cutting into my cankles" and it transcends into greatness. I can't wait to see it again.

Out On A Ledge

I have been meaning to comment on the new commerical for the LG Dare phone for a while. I like the basic premise - that it is so cool you will crawl out on a ledge just to touch it. But the fact that she almost slips of the ledge is ridiculous - it is a foot and a half wide! That is just stupid. Yes, it is narrow in terms of feeling comfortable crossing it, you would certainly be hugging the wall behind you, but it's plenty wide that you wouldn't be at risk of your foot sliding off. Unless you are wearing clown shoes or something. And it's just unneccesary to the commercial. I mean, the ledge would be scary enough, we don't really need to throw in completely implausible slippage just to add drama. Of course, I am also probably the only person totally disinterested in touch screen phones (my reaction to the iphone was, and still is, meh), so I'm less likely to be dazzled by the technology and ignore the flaws in the advertising.

Raising The Bar... On Bad Hair

Okay, so wen I first saw the ads for TNT's new show Raising the Bar I had to wonder what the heck was going on with Mark-Paul Gosselaar's hair? I am not a lawyer, nor am I particularly involved in the professional world - but I imagine that typically young lawyers have nicer, cleaner, more lawery hair cuts. Maybe there are a few that have shaggier, rock star looks going for them (public defenders? legal aid workers who can't afford hair cuts?), but that isn't even what this is. I've been debating on what to call it for a couple of days now: ship wreck hair? thematically related, but stylistically different pirate hair? Anyway, the problem has been answered for me in much funnier fashion by the fug girls. Here is their take.(note: for some reason the link takes you to the middle of the entry so you have to page up a little)

The McDonalds of Danish

Yesterday we treatd ourselves to a danish form the local grocery store bakery and it was the worst I've ever had. Stale and dry, with almost none of the delicious cheese it was supposed to feature. Even though previous purchases from the bakery have been good, we have decided that from now on we will stick with Entenmann's - always consistent, always delicious, always reliable. Maybe not the most exciting, but you know what you are going to get and you get it every time.

Stop The Whining And Give Me A Break

So, you know the Allstate commercial where the lady is in the airport complaining that she's at the interesection of her email is overflowing and she hasn't had a day off since third grade? Does anyone else want to slap her? I mean seriously, if you are that busy you are either the worst prioritizer ever(okay not really a word, deal with it), or you need another job. I realize that some jobs are very stressful and people are busy - but if you are that over-scheduled and over-worked you have no one to blame but yourself. And excuse me for saying so, but if you choose to live that type of lifestyle then I don't think you should be complaining about it. Either suck it up and acknowledge that you thrive on stress, or take a vacation already.

As Plain As The Lips On Her Face

So it's been established that when In Plain Sight started Mary McCormack's lips looked wierd. So now I'm wondering if they appear to be normalizing to anyone else. I know that injectible fillers dissipate with time so maybe it's just wearing off. Or maybe I'm just getting used to it. I really hope someone else thinks they look like their deflating because the next step in thinking they look normal is thinking they look good and I do not want to go anywhere near that road.

The Dark Knight

Incase you are in doubt at all about seeing this film - let me reassure you it is awesome. I'm not particularly hard to please as a movie-goer, especially when it comes to actin type movies, so I knew I would like it just fine. It's been getting great reviews, so I figured it would be better than normal. But after seeing it this weekend I think it is phenomenal. There hs been a ton of talk about Heath Ledger getting an Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker - and I basically attributed that to his death. Not that I thought he wouldn't be good (he always is), but superhero movies don't typically get that type of recognition, and I figured he might earn the honor here as a way of making up for all of the truly Oscar worthy rperformances he won't get a chance to give. But having seen it, I have to say that I think there would be buzz even if he hadn't died. It is almost a shame that in his final complete performance he dissappears so completely behind the makeup and the mask. His Joker has none of the humor behind his menace that we have seen before - he is sick and depraved, aiming to sow discord and harvest chaos, but you can see that while he accepts his role he doesn't cherish it. His motivation is not the pain of others for personal pleasure, but just pain itself. In this he is more the yin to Batman's yang than ever before. Both are solitary figures, doomed to suffer their roles in society even as they accept they are the only ones to fulfill them. When the Joker tells Batman he can't kill him because he is too much fun, he doesn't say it with the joy we have seen in previous performances - he says it because there is no other way to express that anarchy without opposition means no sacrifice. This is definitely the darkest episode in the Batman franchise - and possibly the best yet. Oh, and the toys are super cool too.

Hard Core Stupid

Picture this - a woman crashes her car through the wall of the bathroom, gets out, and proceeds to clean the tub and tile. The tagline is: "Tilex - hard core clean." Now, please explain to me what the hell any of this means. Tilex does such a great job cleaning your bathroom that you don't care if you destroy it with your car? Tilex turns you into a demolition derby driver with a penchant for clean grout? The fumes affect your ability to operate heavy machinery? I don't get it, and I doubt I'm getting any Tilex anytime soon.

Space Monkeys

I have decided that the new movie Space Chimps should be called Space Monkeys. Yes, I know chimps are apes and not monkeys, but the title has a better ring to it. And yes, I also know this is a stupid issue, but it actually really bugs me every time I see an ad for the film. Of course, it doesn't help that it looks terrible.

Project Runway Season 5

Like many people out there I am excited that Project Runway is back, and I hope that this season will be better than ever. But oh my god, there are some really irritating contestants this time. I don't remember ever watching the first episode of a season ans violently disliking anyone - usually it takes several episodes before you realize who is a jerk. But not this season - I actually wanted to slap several people. First there was Stella, who hopefully will not be with us long as she has the wonderful distinction of being the first contestant ever to make something I could have made myself. And that is not a compliment. There is a reason I'm not on this show. Second was Suede, who in addition to having the lamest made up name ever, insisted on referring to himself by it. Doesn't he know that no one likes the guy who refers to himself in the third person? And then there is Blayne. I hated him the moment he appeared on screen - I wanted to run him down with my car from the beginning and he didn't even speak for practically the first half of the show. And then he did. And it made things worse. Seriously, calling your design "girlicious" is not only annoying, it is also confusing and pointless, and when you do it a thousand times, you are stressing your idiocy as well as begging someone to kill you. And the design sucked. So hopefully his irritating, over tanned, bad hair will be the next loser "auf'd". Because I really don't want to have to gauge my eyes out to spare myself the sight of him.

Sleeping With The Family Channel

Last night, at 7pm, the ABC Family Channel aired Sleeping With The Enemy. That's right, the movie where Julia Roberts fakes her death to get away from her abusive husband, and then kills him when he tracks her down. Chipper, family friendly film, don't you agree? Not at all inappropriate for their target demographic.

SYTYCD - Shame On You America

Well, America, you deserve a big fat D- for your voting this week. I get it - Comfort is a sentimental favorite seeing as she was already kicked off the show - but guess what? There is a reason for that: she is woefully out of her depth here. She has performed very admirably on the show and seems like a nice girl, but this show is about versatility and she just can't cut it. And I know that most of you are not really versed enough in dance to know what is truly great from what is just okay, but seriously you should be able to tell that she just isn't very good. Personally, I may need to be committed to an asylum if I have to look at her sickled feet any more. Of course, I also sort of find her boring even when she is performing in her strength, but that's just a personal opinion. She has done a great job of trying each genre without any formal training, and definitely deserved to be in the top twenty - but the top ten is another story. She has overstayed the limits of her talent, and I hope you get your sense back in time for voting next week. I'll be doing my best to vote for everyone else in case you make such a grievous error again. Which I meant to do this week, anticipating this outcome, but forgot. Sorry Kherrington, you were my favorite.

Logic Is Not On The Menu

I have commented on the stupidity of Wendy's commercials before. Well, there is a new one bugging me. In it, 'Wendy' asks: "If warm chicken is good, and cold, crunchy veggies are good, then wouldn't a warm chicken, cold crunchy veggie salad be good good?" Well, I'll tell you Wendy, the answer is no. Because when you put warm chicken on cold crunchy veggies, you get warm soggy veggies, and they most definitely are not good. I don't know who is running their current ad campaign, but they are clearly trying to sound smart and logical without possessing an ounce of common sense.

Repetition Makes Irritation

Saab has a new commercial that repeats the same phrase about recycling energy from the exhaust three times. Saab has a new commercial that repeats the same phrase about recycling energy from the exhaust three times. Saab has a new commercial that repeats the same phrase about recycling energy from the exhaust three times. Annoying, isn' it?

Return This

There are many companies online that offer free returns on any purchases. However, they are taking steps to make this less convenient than it has been in the past. I am a big time online shopper, and I remember getting return labels included in the packaging whenever I received a purchase. this made it very easy to just reseal the box, affix the label and return my merchandise. Now, however, the trend seems to be to have customers print their own labels. The returns are still free - you just tattach the label and drop of your package at the Post Office or UPS, but I find the extra step of having to print a label super annoying. Not everyone has a printer, you know? Now if I want to return something I have to get my husband to print the label at work and bring it home - pretty inconvenient if I don't want him to know I bought anything in teh firs tplace (haha). Some places will mail you a label if you don't have a printer, meaning you have to wait a week or so to get your label so you can return those shoes that don't fit. Irritating. It really makes me not want to go through the hassle of returning anything, which I'm sure is their point, but in the end all it will result in is me shopping there less.

Everywhere and In Plain Sight

So In Plain Sight seems alright - I haven't seen an entire episode yet, but the bits of several I've seen seem like it's a decent show. Aside from Mary McCormack's face which has had some definite, non- improving, work done to it. Howver, does it seem to anyone else like they are sort of heavily populating Albuquerque with witness protection participators? I mean, it seems like every fifth person in town is in the program. I understand that they want to keep the main characters in one place so they can throw in personal stories with mary's family and what not (the most boring parts, by the way), but this show would seriously benefit from changing the scenery in each episode so it doesn't seem like the only place people get relocated to is New Mexico. The State's tourism department might also appreciate less inference that their capital is populated with former rats and theives.

Light As Air

I just saw a new commercial for Wheat Thins where people are floating in a wheat field while Frankie sings "come fly with me." I don't know if this makes me want crackers, but it sure does make me want a trampoline!

Charge It Or Bend Over

Yesterday I saw a commercial for American Express Business Gold Card. In it a man attempts to purchase a ticket to San Francisco using a credit card with kittens on it. The ticket agent finds this either suspicious or pathetic (her acting doesn't make it clear) but judging by the fact that she calls security on him, I'm going to go with suspicious. Pathetic would make better sense. I mena, no, it really doesn't present the best professional appearance to be using a credit card with kittens on it (it isn't very manly either but who cares?), but frankly, I doubt you are going to be showing potential clients your credit card very often. As long as you keep it discretely tucked away in teh even of any business lunches you are probably safe in your feline adoration. The American Express Business Gold Card might be great for your small business, but I don't think not having it warrants a body cavity search.

I Think You Think You Are Special

I have to comment on the new ad for the Burger King Steakhouse burger. In it two men are eating the burger and a woman comes up to ask what they did to deserve it. The first gave half of his salary to charity, but the second replies that he was just hungry. So she wallops him. This is very stupid but I laugh every time it comes on. I'm not sure if it is the slap itself or just the incredibly awkward way she performs it that is funny to me but it gets me every time. Plus, such outrage over the "arrogance" of just eating a hamburger is so silly. As is the tagline - "so good people might think you think you're special." Just pay attention to the slaps - especially the second one to the back of the head - seriously the least elegant attack ever.

Fly The Exorbitant Skies

Apparently airlines (led by United) are planning to require minimum stays for any flights being purchased. This is bull. Have they forgotten that they are modes of transportation and not hotels? that is like a taxi driver refusing to pick you up until you have spent three hours at the party. Does it not occur to them that regardless of when, people who fly somewhere pretty much always need to go back at some point? I don't see how this solves the fuel issue at all. I mean, if I go to Chicago, I still need to come home whether it is the next day or the next week, and I'm thinking that me staying over for more days doesn't change the amount of gas used in hauling my butt back home. And the disadvantage to business travelers is completely ridiculous. Does a salesman deserve to miss out on time with his family just because his job requires travel and the asshat airlines are demanding he stays in Toledo over the weekend? If I worked at any sort of company where travel was involved I would immediately start implementing any changes possible (telecommunications for example) that would reduce if not eliminate all travel just to say "suck it" to the airlines. Oh yeah, and now they can charge you extra to check your bags, which you will have to do since you now need enough clothing for a three day stay. I get it, gas prices are going up. Just admit it and raise ticket prices - sneaking in all of these extra charges and inconvenient requirements just seems dishonest. Like they are trying to trick passengers with deceptively low rates and then planning on fleecing them later with all the extra fees. If they aren't going to respect my right to travel on my own time frame then they don't deserve my money. Good thing we can't afford a vacation - cause I have no interest in flying with any of these money grubbers anymore.

SYTYCD Redeems Itself

Huzzah, hurray, and hallelujah! The talentless, inexplicable, sucktastic, you-say-salsa-dancer I-say-stripper is gone! For a while there I really thought that she had someone from the Cuban mafia or whatever they call it kidnap one of Nigel's family members in order to guarantee herself a spot on the show. Cause she blew. Never once in auditions or the two weeks of the show so far has she done anything I couldn't do myself (well, I can't really shake my chest around like she did in her solo last night, but that is only because I don't want to dislocate any ribs). And let me tell you, regardless of how many years of dance training I may have had, no 30-year-old mother of two should be able to keep up with the kids on that show. But nevermind that now, the situation has been remedied and the world can resume spinning on its rightful axis. I can return to watching the beautiful dancing and talented contestants with respect and excitement rather than feeling the need to stab the producers with my fork.

Nintendo x 3 : Decent, Dumb and Tacky

I want to talk about the new commercials for the Nintendo handheld "isn't called a Gameboy anymore but I don't know the new name so I'm calling it a Gameboy" gaming system. In general these ads are fine, but I have a couple of issues. First, I like the one with Liv Tyler. She is playing BrainAge, and I like that since she is basically my age (maybe a year older) and I like to do puzzles and stuff whenever possible to keep my mind agile and hopefully push back my inevitable decline into senility. So that one is good. The one with Carrie Underwood however, has a problem. That game she is "playing" is so ridiculously stupid I can't even stand it. Seriously, she is petting and washing a picture of a dog on her gameboy. And she has a REAL dog sitting with her. What is that about? I like animals and all, but I'm not particularly sure where the appeal is of pretending to wash a digital dog with a stylus on an electronic apparatus. Dumb, and I feel sorry for Carrie that she is stuck with this game. The commercial with America Ferrara has a different issue. Her game is fine - she is playing some version of Super Mario Brothers - my issue is with her gameboy itself. This thing is metallic pink and has her name spelled on it in rhinestones. Cute, right? Well, no. Not particularly if you are twelve, and definitely not if you are 24.

by the way - while all of these ads have varying levels of personal enjoyment for me, none of them makes me want the system. I do however totally want the Wii Fit. Cause if I don't exercise normally, I totally will with an expensive video game console and attachment, right/

Youth Obsessed Culture

I need to admit to a developing addiction to the Disney and ABC Family channels. Obviously it started with programming for my daughter, but I am kind of starting to like some of the shows and I have found myself watching them on my own even if the kids are napping. Wizards of Waverly Place, anyone? Yes, it is stupid and corny - it’s a children’s show - but I still kind of like it. And more than just the shows, I have started taping all of the ridiculous movies (Cadet Kelly, The Circuit) so that I can watch them later. As you might suspect, these are not good movies. I didn’t feel to bad when my fascination was just with shows like Greek and Gossip Girl, because they do appeal to other adults besides me according to ratings articles I have read. But now I have descended into preteen entertainment, maybe even elementary school levels. Pretty soon I am going to be rendered ecstatic by airings of the Wiggles, and not because my daughter loves them. Quick, someone put on something R rated before I am completely into my second childhood!

God Bless The Usa

I would just like to take a moment and express my love for the USA Network. I watch it everday, like vitamins. This wonderful channel has all of my favorites - reruns of House, new shows Monk, Psych and Burn Notice, and the rest of the time it airs episodes of Law and Order (SVU or CI). What's not to like? Okay, so Monday nights blow due to wrestling, but I can watch Bones and House reruns on Fox now, not to mention Greek and Gossip Girl (I am developing a bit of a youth programming habit, to be mentioned later), so it is no longer the travesty it once was. And yes, they air quite a bit more Steven Seagal movies than might be strictly necessary, but I can accept these flaws. In general, USA in my go to network, along with Bravo (also an NBC affiliate), I can count on these channels to always have something on I don't mind watching. Cause God knows I'm not going to turn the tv off.

PS - I love USA the country too. Go America!

SYTYCD- The Top 20

Well, first off I will absolutely admit that most of the top twenty were not expecially showcased in the Vegas episode. So I'm sure they are all very good and deserving of their spots. But without that extra footage of how their auditions went, I have to asy that I was kind of dissapointed with some of the choices -namely some of the people that were rejected. So the top twenty had better be really good because there were some dancers that really impressed me in the initial auditions that didn't make it that I was both surprised and saddened to see go. Oh and I am also amazed the stripper, I mean high school teacher, made it into the top twenty since I wouldn't have even sent her to Vegas. I wasn't aware that "exotic" was an acceptable genre of dance for this competition. Oh well, I will console myself with the thought that someone has to go home first.

SATC

I saw the Sex and The City movie this weekend, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. They didn't push the envelope with the format, and most of the plotlines were just rehashed from the show, but so what? It perfectly captured the mood of the show and brought back that excitement of seeing a new episode for the first time. To be honest I'm not entirely sure what the big deal was about this show - it doesn't seem especially groundbreaking or important, but even without a rational explanation I admit that I got drawn in like everyone else and absolutely love it. Maybe it is just one of those perfect combinations of actors in the absolute right role for them that somehow creates magic - who knows? Whatever the reason, the show was certainly a phenomenon, and judging by the hordes of women waiting outside the theater (even in my small town where fashion isn't in the vernacular and the only shoes people splurge on are for hiking) the movie will be one as well. It is interesting that a movie that is essentially very frivolous can have such a heavy burden of being one of the only movies featuring women of a "certain age" as the stars. And possibly have to be an indicator of whether movies featuring only women can make money. Seems like pretty high expectations for a film that is basically about clothes, shoes and boys. Of course, I can't think of anything I like more than clothes and shoes. And since I won't be buying any $500 Manolos anytime soon, I think I can spend $7.25 (matinee price!) to watch other people wear them and just dream. It's all the glamour without the foot pain.

SYTYCD Blew It Big Time

I am extremely disappointed with SYTYCD last night. The judges treatment and subsequent dismissal of Anthony Bryant is absolutely inexcusable and has really cost me some interest in this program. The kid graduated from Juliard in three years for Christ sakes! To not put him through to Vegas is a travesty, and frankly I feel it undermines their contention that they are looking for exceptional dancers. I understand not wanting to make the competition all about technique - that would really punish all of the street dancers who are genuinely talented but haven't had formal training. But to then ignore someone who is pretty much technically perfect because he lacks a "spark" of performance is offensive. I agree that Anthony was not the most dynamic in terms of performance quality - I would most likely not advance him into the top twenty. But to not even let him get past the first round - and in fact to force him to participate in the choreography part - was ridiculous, and I have to believe that there is some other prejudice working against him. I get that dancing with the ribbon season one was a mistake. I was a rhythmic gymnast for 10 years and even I wouldn't use a ribbon in an audtion of this type. But the judges immediate reaction to him was completely disrespectful and indicative of a complete refusal to give him a chance. Immediately Mary was pointing out his outfit and not even watching him, and Nigel rected to a small loss of balance on his somersault with the same disgust typically reserved for the total losers who can't do anything at all. As someone with a background in dance, I can usually see the judges points on most dancers, and agree with them. But this was a huge mistake. They were rude and innappropriate towards this dancer, and failed in their jobs to select dancers who are the most talented and versatile. If they are willing to cut slack for b boys who don't know a rond de jamabe from a grand jete, then they should also allow the people who do a little leeway on performance characterization. I will most likely continue to watch this show because I do love dance, but I will do so with great distaste for the judges who no longer deserve my respect.

Lincoln "Needs To Join The 21st Century" Tech

I must be watching some really bad daytime television because I have just seen a commercial for Lincoln Technical Institute. Or, to be more specific I should say I have just seen THE commercial for Lincoln Tech. This is the exact same ad that has been airing for the past twenty years at least - probably quite a bit more. Is it to much to ask that we get a new ad? These students have got to be nearing retirement by now. You can keep the same format, but at least film new people with modern haircuts and clothing on - it is hard to find much confidence for a school that says it can teach me about PC Systems and Support when no one in their commercial has even seen a cell phone, much less and ipod. And I get that the people featured are supposed to be the ones in need of the school, and so maybe looking out of touch with the times is actually a clever way of demonstrating that Lincoln Tech is what they need to bring them into the present, but really get a new ad. Any ad that used to run during afternoon reruns of Gilligan's Island has been on way too long.

Mentos Are Stomach Turning

I have seen a new commercial for Mentos claiming that they are mouthwatering, and it is completely disgusting. A guy is sitting next to a watercooler eating mentos. A girl comes up and, ignoring that watercooler, drinks right out of his mouth. It is totally gross, and more than that, it doesn't even make sense. Maybe if she put on of those little paper cups in front of his mouth and tweaked his nose to get some water it would be slightly amusing and I could perhaps overlook the whole drinking saliva factor. But are we supposed to believe that if he hadn't been sitting there she would have drunk directly from the nozzle on the watercooler? Who does that? Weird and gross and stupid, and I like mentos a little less now. Especially since they used to have such weird (in a good way) foreign commercials from somwhere like Sweden or something that were amusing and oddly pleasing. And of course there is that whole mentos in soda fountain thing - that is cool too. But this ad is definitely not.

addition: I have seen this ad again, and it is for Mentos gum, thus relieving me of the pressure of not wanting to buy a candy I enjoy because the ads are so bad. I could care less about gum. it also leaves the Mentos candy legacy of humorous ads intact. Phew

Smile, Everyone Say Blink

Nikon coolpix camera is apparently the “ only camera smart enough to tell you if the subject has blinked.” Okay. Is this a feature we really need? I get that this would have been a useful feaeture back in the ye olde days of film, when you couldn’t review your pictures immediately after taking them, but in this, the digital area I’m pretty sure I don’t need anything to tell me the person in the picture has blinked. That is what my eyes (and the preview feature) are for. Maybe it has a voice feature for all of the blind photographers out there? Of course, they probably don’t care what their pictures look like.

So You Think You Can Dance

Hip Hip Hooray - three cheers for my favorite summer show!! I love dancing, I like when reality shows involve actual talent, and this show has both - along with typically sweet choreography and judges/ host. cast appearances that are more charming than annoying. I don't even really mind Mary's scream any more - although I don't think I would ewver want to sit right next to her. One criticism - the results shows always feature guest performances by... singers. How about some guest dancers or dance companies? Attention producers: you are a program that showcases dancers - why not give us some professionals and let people see how it is really done? That seems more in keeping with the theme of the show. And this actually matters to me because unlike most results shows which have nothing of value and therefore I don't even bother to watch, this one has fresh. new dances by the contestants in danger of leaving so I have to watch and therefore suffer through terrible perfomances by iffy popstars. Last year Savion Glover did a performance one week and it was awesome - here's hoping they make a slight format tweak and have more guest dancing rather than random bad singing. Or at least make the singers have back up dancers - anything. Seriously. Think about it.

American Idol Finale

Yay, David Cook won. I think he really has a good chance of being the first male Idol to actually be successful. But the real question of the night was "what is up with Carrie Underwood's sleeves?" When did ruffled sleeves that attached to each other become a good idea? I would imagine it must be kind of hard to get that thing out of the way when you visit the restroom, among other issues. It was so weird and distracting that it took me three verses to realize how amusing the lyrics were to the song she was singing. See the video here

in a related note: apparently sleeves are attaching themsleves randomly all over country music - here is another example of this freakish phenomenon.

Uno Electric Bike

And I thought Segways were cool.

get more information here or Google uno electric bike

Put The Pen Down And Step Away

I like the Visa commericals that feature various shops moving in smooth procession and then grinding to a halt when someone decides to write a check. Each variation has a different degree of success - some are lamer than others, but in general I like them. However, I must say that the one in the garden nursery is by far the best. First of all, you've got to love anything that uses the theme from Brazil, great music from a great movie and I love hearing it pop up. Second, whereas in most of these spots the check writer only cause people to bump into each other or be otherwise inconvenienced by the slow down, in this one she actually causes the sun to dim and flowers to wilt. That is a serious consequence there. Yeah, it is annoying to be behind the lady at the grocery store who takes a month to write out a check (hint, you can sign it and fill out the name of the store while your stuff is getting swiped - try it next time), but really - does it cause a planetary disruption? Or kill vegetation? I'm not sure I even want to carry my check s around anymore if they can wield that kind of influence.

And On The Ninth Day, The Aliens Landed

This weekend while watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade on the SciFi channel I saw a commercial for an album of the "ultimate power ballads of the Christian faith." At first I thought this was sort of a strange forum for such an ad; I was hung up on the science part of the title - thinking that viewers with a deep interest in science aren't likely to also be staunch Christians (although I supposed that doesn't preclude an interest in Christian rock). Once I figured in the fiction part though I realized that it actually fits quite nicely. I mean, when you boil it down to its basic elements, the whole Creationism thing is a pretty great work of science fiction, and people that love to believe in alternate universes might be exactly the kind of people who want to believe the universe can be created in seven days. Now obviously Im not suggesting that Christians are all idiots who refuse to believe any sort of scientific evidence (after all, they do call it creation SCIENCE), or that they can't also be interested in the natural world, but I'm interested to see if there are many Christian rock albums being advertised on the Discovery Channel.

These Ads Deserve A Klondike

I love the ads for 'Klondike bars. They aren't new, but haven't been on in quite a while and I am glad they are back. They feature people performing extremely mundane tasks (a man managing to listen to his wifes rambling story, another man not looking at a hot girl that walks by his table) and then saying those people deserve a Klondike br for their heroic behavior. Love it. And of course, writing about these terrific ads is a quite a feat in itself - I think I deserve a Klondike bar. Or six.

Daydream, I fell Asleep Among The, Aaaaargh!

There is a new commercial for some phone company (maybe Sprint? Or maybe it is for the phone itself - I don't remember since I haven't seen it for a few days, which is actually amazing because I think it has been on every third commercial break for a month) that features phones blooming up out of flowers. It is a pretty stupid idea, frankly (what do phones and flowers have to do with each other anyway?), but I get that it is supposed to be evoking spring or something. Whatever. Clearly it is not that effective since I have seen it at least twenty times and can't remember what it is for. But man, the song is catchy. Seriously, that is one damn, catchy tune. I have been singing it for a week. I'm actually kind of mad I decided to write this entry since it is after my bed time and now I'm going to have it running through my head all night. Sweet. After all, if there is anything worse than staying awake with some song in your head, it has to be staying awake with some song from an irritatingly stupid commercial in your head. That's like the third circle of hell, right?

Geico Jumps The Shark

It seems to me that Geico commercials are really going downhill. I have commented on the dancing cavemen ads, and now it seems they have chosen to kill off the series featuring celebrities "translating" for regular people. This was never the most awesome idea - I'm actually surprised that I don't find it more annoying than I do - but it had some moments. The one featuring Joan Rivers poking fun at her ridiculous face made me hate her a little less, and "take the train to happy town" is a lovely little jingle. But seriously, Mrs. Butterworth? she makes nice sytup, but I confess I am unsure as to how a plastic bottle is talking at all, much less why she is talking about car insurance. I do like the end when she says a logo has been placed over her face, but over all the whole idea is a terrible permutation of an idea that was pretty lame to begin with. I just hope Geico gets back on the ball with funny commercials, and doesn't do anything horrible to the gecko.

ps: for any one not in the know, "jump the shark" is a saying that refers to a show losing ground and credibilty and pulling ridiculous or outlandish stunts in order to recapture ratings. The origintaion of this phrase is an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie literally jumped over a shark on water skis.

Drink This

I have been seeing the following ad in magazines everywhere:

and I really hate it. (If you can't read it it says "an overly caffeinated world deserves a sensibly caffeinated water"). First of all, the eye bugging thing is not only totally gross, but also not quite used correctly. According to almost every cartoon that utilizes the eye pop, it is an expression of shock or disbelief- not anger and frustration as this ad implies. I mean, really, are we supposed to think that this woman is surprised that her kids are fighting over the video game? Doubtful - and seriously, if you are too stupid not to buy one for each kid you deserve all the wars that will result - if you can't afford two, buy none. Secondly, where exactly is the depiction of people being overly caffeinated? Is it saying the kids are fighting because they are all hyped up (and why is she giving her kids caffeine anyway?), or is the mom blowing her top because she had one too many double lattes? It's confusing and stupid. But the third and by far the most grievous error is the tag line. It is not only stupid, but completely contradictory. Yes, this world is over caffeinated, but are they actually suggesting that caffeinated WATER is the solution? That somehow drinking water with caffeine will provide a solution to being over caffeinated? Because I'm not sure how that works. Seems to me the solution to being overly caffeinated is to drink LESS caffeine (or God forbid, even NONE), not put it into products that don't naturally contain it. In my opinion there is a sensibly caffeinated water - it's called water, and it has nothing in it at all. Water doesn't need flavor, or vitamins, or coloring (I've discussed this before), and it certainly doesn't need to have caffeine in it. Stop kidding yourself that you are drinking something healthy just because it says "water" on the label. If you want a sugary, caffeine fix bite the bullet and drink a Coke. As for me, I'll be the one without a racing pulse drinking plain old water from the tap.

Nothing Like Some Good Old Fashioned Bad Customer Service To Make Your Day

I have a problem with Netflix. (I also have a problem with my shift key in that the left one fell off and every time I try to use the right one I hit enter but that is unrelated except in the fact that I published this entry 5 times whie still typing it). Anyway - Netflix is great - I love getting my movies in the mail, and don't really ever have an issue with planning in advance to watch movies rather than being able to go directly to the store and rent one. And since my subscription is always given to me as a gift, it is basically free to me which is great too (thanks Rees and Jen). However, they have some issues with how their gift redemption works. First of all, you can't redeem a new gift subscription while you are still using an old one - you have to wait until the old one is over. Technically you are supposed to be able to apply the new one within the final month, but that fails to work either. So you are left with the option of waiting until your subscription runs out and your credit card gets charged for one month so you can redeem the new gift subscription (which is how over the years I have ended up not being able to use my Christmas gift until May), or you can check back every day and hope that it finally gets accepted. That was the method I chose to utilize this year, and let me tell you how it went. After checking every day for a few weeks, I finally got an email from Netflix telling me the exact date my subscription would end (so now I can just wait for that email every year - yay). I tried on the day it ended - nothing. I tried first thing in the morning the day after it ended - and not only did it not work, but they had already charged my card. Pissed. Then - I learned another ridiculous fact about Netflix - they have no email communication. That's right folks, a company that is completely web based does not have a customer service contact email. Wicked awesome, right? So I had to call them about this issue, which thankfully was fixed right away. However, in order to refund my card the only way they had to fix it was to cancel my account and then just immediately reinstate it with the gift subscription. This seems like poor planning to me, but I said okay because the woman assured me that nothing would actually change on my account. Well, she was either stupid or a liar, because, as you might expect when an account is cancelled, so are all of the movies saved in the queue. Super pissed. So now I have to try and remember all of the random movies I once thought sounded good and put onto my list - which let me tell you is not my forte. It sometimes takes me weeks to remember new movies to put on there despite seeing ads for them several times a dayand reading Entertainment Weekly, weekly. So I am pretty disappointed with Netflix - not enough to stop using them just yet, but enough to hope that millions of people somehow read this and boycott, forcing them to rethink the ineptitude of their customer service. They should take a note from one of my favorite shopping websites, Zappos, which says right on its home page that it is a service company that just happens to sell shoes, bags, clothes, etc. Clearly, Netflix is a movie company that is trying its best to ignore the fact that it is on the web.

The Results, Right After This Brainless Blabbing

Last night I tuned in to the last few minutes of American Idol to see who was voted off (not that I really care too much since my favorites are already gone - who thought at the beginning I'd be rooting for David Cook?). Anywa, in those few minutes, Iactually got so bored that I had to change the channel back to Top Chef. I understand that shows like American Idol want to ratchet up the suspense by putting off reading the results of the elimintaion for as long as possible, but come on - it is really getting ridiculous. I would in all honesty rather watch commercials than Syesha talking about having a black or woman President. How is that even relevant? Is she actually trying to compare the American Idol to the highest position in our country, cause it's a good show in all, but not quite on the same level as Commander in Chief. I really didn't want to see either of the rejects talkin g baout anything unless it was Jason's next haircut or Sy-Jeeesh why am I still here-a discussing how much it cost her to buy more votes than Brooke and Carly. Seriously - she made the top 3? So not right. But to the point, can we please dispense with the blabber from these contestants. We obviously don't care about their personalities - they got the lowest votes for a reason. So just air more stupid banter between Ryan and the judges, or another terrible performane by the guest "mentor" (seriously, is it just me or do all the professionals they get on this show perform really badly?), throw in more commercials for So You Think You Can Dance (yay!!!!) and get on with giving the boot.


ps: Dear God - I would love to see a woman President at some point. Just please don't make it Hillary. I think she might actually signal the End of Days, and nobody wants the four Horseman of the Apocalypse appointed to the cabinet.

Honey, This Here Talking Box Ain't Got No Ears!

I have a problem with all of these new commercials suggesting people with antenna tvs buy a special box to allow them to keep their television when the airwaves start broadcasting digital. Why not just go to these people's houses and rob them? Clearly they are banking on anyone who still owns an antenna tv being stupid enough to pay for a completely ridiculous product - it's like selling adapters for those old 2 lb cell phones my dad had 20 years ago or Windows for an IBM 5150. But it still feels tacky. I mean, obviously these people are having serious issues with adapting to the modern age of technology - they are using ANTENNAS, after all - but c'mon, does that mean we have to totally rip them off? I think maybe we should do them a real service, let their ancient, ridiculous boob tubes die out and force them to enter into the new century by buying a new television. Maybe some of them will even get up off their rumps and learn to live without tv - who knows?

Damn You...

Damn you Vince Flynn. Damn you for writing such engaging stories that I stay up until 3 am reading and then am tired all day and can't properly play with my children. Damn you and all of your books that are so exciting that I have to finish them even when it is late and I am sleepy because I know that if I wait until the next day I will finish it too quickly and then will be upset because there isn't more to read. And damn you for not having more books because I have read them all and still want more. I am tired and grumpy and without exciting books to read now, and it is all your fault.

Gesund-Here's Some Medicine

There is a new product from Benadryl for children that has premeasured amounts in individual containers that makes it easier to give to your kids when you are on the go. In general I think this is a pretty good idea, however there are some issues. First of all, where are you going so often that you have to carry the Benadryl with you? I mean it lasts 6 hours, so you think you could probably avoid having to carry it with you at all times. Secondly, since it makes almost everyone drowsy (eveny the non drowsy versions send me into an antihistimine coma) do you really want to be giving it to your kids when you are at the park? They are likely to pass out and fall of the slide. But my main issue is with the commercial. It shows two moms at the park and one kids comes up and sneezes so the mom whips out the huge bag of medicine to give her kids something for the sneezing but she can't find anything in her mess of a medicine bag. The other mom's kid comes up and he sneezes, and she has this convenient single serving Benadryl so she gives it to her kid and lends one to the other mom as well. I think this commercial demonstrates a terrible sign of overmedication. I mean obviously we are supposed to think that these kids have demonstrated allergies before, but seriously - one sneeze does not neccessitate Benadryl. And I can't think of any reason to have an entire medicince cabinet in my purse unless my kids are terminally ill - in which case we are probably not playing at the park. People today are so desperate to alleviate any possible sign of illness - get over it people. Kids cough and sneeze sometimes - we all do. It doesn't mean we have allergies and it certainly shouldn't be met with an immediate application of Benadryl. All that is going to do is make your kids high, and possibly learn to fake it in order to get medicine. I know people whose kids start coughing every night in order to get cough drops. And you are crazy if you think overmedicating your kid is better than letting them get sick once in a while.

That Coffee Looks Like A Sandwich

I saw a commercial for McDonalds coffee the other night during an airing of Bones. It featured a bunch of people in a park meditating with the typical "om" humming, and then pans over to someone who is humming "mmm" and eating an egg mcmuffin. Then it goes into the joys of McDonalds coffee. I fid it a bit odd that never once in teh commercial does anyone partke of the target item. If you look very carefully you can see that the guy has some coffee on the ground next to him, but he is mainly completely absorbed in his breakfast sandwich and at no time does he take a drink. At the end when he walks by and entices the meditaters (is that a word? it is now) by the smells of his breakfast - it is the bag that is the center of attention. And last I checked you don't usually put coffee in the bag. I found all of this pretty weird - I mean if the whole point of your ad is to feature the coffee, shouldn't that be what the people are enjoying and smelling and, hey call me crazy, drinking?

Progressive Application

In the third part of my series on stupid car insurance ads, I have to mention one by Progressive. The ad itself isn't that bad - a guy is in some sort of store and apparently car insurance and all of its features (customer service, etc) come in boxes. It is sort of lame, but serves a purpose of showing all the great stuff that comes along with insurance from Progressive. What is idiotic and confusing about it is the cashier. First, she is totally annoying - calling out his savings over the intercom and adding on the free services included with a little too much enthusiasm. She also has on the worst makeup I have ever seen that wasn't on a drag queen. Thick black liquid liner that looks like it was applied with a Sharpie marker and bright red lipstick that only vaguely stays within her lip line. She looks like a completely crazy person who wishes it were still the fifties. Weird, inexplicable, and very unnattractive. It totally ruins the commercial - I mean, if the features of your product are overshadowed by the apparent insanity of the person selling it, the effectiveness of your commercial is probably going to be undermined a bit.



addition: I ahve just seen a new version of these ads where the crazy lady is announcing different options Progressive has - like safe driver discounts and pet injury coverage. I think covering your pets in case of an accident is great, but the makeup is still awful.

Secret (Insurance) Agent

There seems to be a theme for car insurance companies to have stupid commercials that barely relate to the product. Yesterday I talked about the dumb dancing Geico commercials (guess what, dancing like an idiot IS easy), and today I want to talk about Esurance.com. I don't like their animated superhero/spy girl commercials. The first one at least made a little bit of sense - she was being chased by bad guys and had to buy a car quick to get away. Being able to buy and print her insurance on the spot made her transaction with the car go faster and so she was able to get away. This was stupid in terms of the cartoon factor, but at least it served to really highlight the featres of the product. Then the commercials chose to stick with this character in different situations, and now is has evolved into just a bunch of random vignettes with robots or monsters or whatever, and nothing has anything to do with car insurance except that she keeps talking about it. Dumb. I guess they are trying to go with the feeling of a continuous story like the old coffee commercials, but they have failed at establishing any sort of coherent story line. And of course, those coffee commercials were stupid, too (even thought they did have Giles from Buffy).

Cave Disco

I liked the Geico cavemen commercials. I thought they were very funny - especially the ones in the therapist's office. But what is with the new series, featuring random bad dancing? These very vaguely make sense when the caveman says "I bet Geico thinks this is easy, too", but most of the spots don't have any talking whatsoever and so they are just stupid 30 second shots of cavemen dancing. I figure these are from the same mind that thought a sitcom would be a good idea, and we all know how well that turned out. I say either stick with the existential crisis theme or drop the cavemen altogether - the gecko is still a good mascot.

Warm Delights, Cold Comfort

I have a little bit of a problem with the commercials for Betty Crocker Warm Delights. They feature a variety of women (pregnant in the kitchen, single by the tv) sitting at home alone eating these little cakes. Now we all know that these products are marketed to women - who else is typicaly going to eat an entire cake? And yes, I have eaten my share of these, especially while pregnant. My question is - can we please try to jazz up the situations we might find ourselves in while eating these for the commercials? We know that pregnant or tired moms will indulge in chocolate, as will lonely ladies who are dateless on Saturday night (I've been that too). But does it have to be rubbed in? Beer commercials don't show fat guys sitting on their boxers watching baseball in their lazy boys while they don a six pack. Instead they feature glamorous situations with hot girls so the guys feel like maybe they will be cooler if they have that brand of beer. Can't we have a little suspension of reality too? We know the types of situations when we are likely to sit around shoving chocolate cake in our mouths, and they aren't the most glamorous, but would it kill the ads to gloss over that a little? After all, nobody loves gloss like tha ladies.

Bribery.com

I have written before about an ad I liked for Hotels.com - the one featuring two shampoos. Well, there is a new one out there, and this one I think misses the mark. In this new ad a family is checking into a hotel and someone makes a comment about leaving a review on Hotels.com, and the bellman says "I think you will" while opeing a suitcase full of cash. this is not funny, and in my mind, completely undermines the whole principle of a site where regular people leave reviews for hotels. Subtle, ambiguous hints that maybe hotels are going out of there way to garner good reviews is funny. Outright bribery not so much. How can we trust the customer reviews if Hotels.com is actually telling us different places might be bribing the guests? I think they just shoot themselves in the foot with this spot. But hey, that's me. And I can totally change my mind if someone wants to show up at my door with a bag of cash.

The Bold Look Of Kohler

I absolutely love the commercial for Kohler where the guy who is supposed to be fixing/ installing the shower is actually taking the shower. How cool is that thing? With all the different body sprays and the digital system, that is the sweetest shower I have ever seen. I totally want it. And not just because I had surgery and am looking at nothing but sponge baths for the next week.

If The Government Followed Pointless Procedure – Oh, Wait…

I like the Nextel ‘if firefighters ruled the world’ commercial for its sly take on bureaucracy and the often ridiculous workings of the government. However, if they are so efficient and straightforward, why are they still bothering to use the stupid walkie talkie feature on their phone? I pretty much think that is the dumbest feature to add to a phone anyway, so using with people in the same room is just beyond brainless. It totally cancels out my appreciation for the witty set up for the ad.

Sneak A Pic

My first thought when I saw the commercial where Ashton Kutcher is in a dressing room and a bunch of girls use his camera to take pictures of themselves was that it was weird. My second thought was that it was vaguely creepy seeing as he is married. Now I have seen a second version where he is at a party and the girls are taking pictures while he takes a phone call. It is still icky in terms of the whole 'seducing a married guy' thing, but now they show him saying into the phone "it's happening right now. They don't think I know" in reference to the pics. And that I find amusing.

Yum, Minty, Kind Of

I have recently had this persistent tickle in the back of my throat that kicks in every night just as I lay down to sleep. Most irritating. Last night it finally occured ot me that it isn't really a cough and so I should try a histamine blocker instead of couch medicine. And fortunately we had some Benadryl quick dissolving strips laying around. These are great. They are like those breath strips that seem like little pieces of plastic and then dissolve on your tongue, burning a minty sensation into it. And since it is Benadryl it typically knocks me right out, which is also wonderful because then there isn't any issue of snoring keeping me awake. But I did notice one strange thing, and that is the flavor - vanilla mint. Now this is not the type of product where there is a vast selection in flavor, a la gum or toothpaste. Benadryl is pretty much one taste suits all, so I'm wondering why they picked vanilla mint. Why not just regular mint? Or peppermint? Because it seems to me that the section of the populace that likes their mint mixed with vanilla is most likely only slightly larger than the section buying the disgusting sounding lemon mint toothpaste. I'm just not sure what the motivation was here in terms of R&D - ' okay, guys, let's take a flavor that pretty much everyone likes, and add something slightly weird to it so that it only sort of tastes good and leaves a weird aftertaste.' Great idea, Bob. It is so refreshing to have a product that you can take without water require you to have some water on hand to wash the peculiar taste out of your mouth. Good call.

Idol Gives Blech: Part Deux

I also hate when people who have larger bank accounts than I could ever hope to see have the balls to ask me to donate to charity. How about I donate my time, which I have plenty of, and you donate the money, Mr. Millionaire? If you want to beg, please don't do it in thousand dollar suits - let's see the people who actually need help, cause i'm pretty sure Michael Chiklis doesn't need any extra cash. Or meals. It is tacky and I feel sorry for all the poor (literally) souls who will be separated form their hard earned money just because Jim Carrey asked them for it. Clearly they have never heard the expression - lead by example. When they put their money where their big fat mouths are, then maybe I will answer their pleas for contributions. Also, what the hell was Bono doing talking about being American. Yes, he does a lot of charity work and can probably lend a nice perspective on that. But the guy is Irish - he doesn't know jack about being American, and I don't think for a second that touring here is going to give someone the right idea. And I'm not all that thrilled about Michael Johns leaving either, although I was relieved it wasn't Carly. All in all this week was one big pisser.

Idol Gives Blech

Okay – first off I want to say that I am in favor of charity work and donating time and money where it is needed. But this program is really just a whole lot of rigamarole so celebrities can feel good about being completely self absorbed the other 364 days of the year (or 365 since it is leap year). If American Idol really wants to raise money for charity then let’s dispense with the self congratulatory fanfare and just start charging for votes. Believe me it would not stop the 30 million people who vote for the show from expressing their love for their favorite singers, but it just might eliminate debacles like the whole Sanjaya incident. Even if they only charged $.20 per call, figuring on 30 million votes and 16 eliminations they would raise $96 million. And none of us would have to sit through a two hour pat-on-the-back borefest. It also might save all the idiots out there who vote for everyone (despite the fact that is the same as not voting at all, duh) from their own stupidity. Or it might cost them a lot of money – who knows. It’s just a thought.