Yeah, I've Seen Some Movies. Not that I'm Going to Tell You About It

I have seen several movies lately (and by lately I mean in the last few months). however I haven't written any reviews. And while my legendary laziness has surely played some small role in this oversight, it is more because I'm just so exicted to get out into a theater that my judgement is likey flawed. When you only get out once a month, those two precious hours spent in the dark with movie magic and a box of candy (junior mints, mmmmm) are so super wonderful that pretty much anything can be happening onscreen. 2012? Awesome spectacle. Book of Eli? Oooh, neat apocalypse imagery and twist - hooray! (ps - totally wanted to be a warrior during the end of days after I saw that movie). Sherlock Holmes? Fun, witty banter. And fighting. And explosions. More yay!

See what I mean? I like it all just by virtue of the fact that I'm out seeing it - I LOOOVE going to the movies!

And I think my favorite part is the coming attractions. They are the perfect entertainment. Fast paced, with great music and perfect sound bites. By definition they leav you wanting more. there is never the whole "oh, so that's how it ends" let down that even the greatest movie can give you jsut because you wnt it to keep going and never stop and then it does. Unless you have to pee (which I invariably do) and spend the last 20 minutes of every movie praying for it to end so you can race to the restroom. But that mars the movie too, since it means you aren't really paying attention the the ending, and therefore once you leave the theater you find that what you remember most is how badly you had to pee rather than the plot or acting.

Anyway. This is why I haven't written any reviews: they would all be good, and I'm not sure they all deserve good reviews. Did I enjoy them? Sure. But I'm pretty easy to please in that department as long as there are no glaring inconsistencies/errors and something gets blowed up.

Also, i totally think they should do movie length "features" of just previews. Not for full price, but maybe for like $5? I would totally go sit in a theater and watch exciting, tantalizing teasers for two hours.

That may make me lame. Oh who am I kidding? That isn't why I'm lame.

I Heart Pixar

For making movies for children, while also keeping in mind that their PARENTS watch them - honestly, I think some studios think three year olds go to movies alone. Most likely they just figure parents HAVE to go so whether they enjoy it doesn't matter, but let me tell you - I won't take my kids to a movie that doesn't appeal to me (see: why my husband took Izzy to Princess and the Frog), and I DEFINITELY won't buy the DVD for repeated viewing.

For taking groundbreaking animation, and coupling it with A STORY - we just got the original Snow White on DVD, and holy smokes is it boring. I realize that it was a huge deal at the time bceause the animation was so amazing (and indeed it is beautiful), but would it have killed them to work the plot a little better? I mean, it's a classic for a reason, and that reason ain't Snow White dancing around with the dwarves. They waste all this time on nothing scenes, and then it's like, BOOM, the queen falls off a cliff (?), and BOOM Snow White is in her glass coffin and BOOM, the prince shows up kisses her (how'd he know to do that?) ands whisks her away with nary a word of thanks. Way to stretch out the inanity and skip all the action, Disney. Plus, Snow White never even MEETS the prince in the beginning! She's out washing rocks and he comes by and she runs away. I don't think he even saw her which makes the whole, looking and looking for her until he finds her in the glass coffin (not covered in the movie BTW) somewhat less plausible.

For giving the characters the voices that suit them, whether it is a big name or not- did Craig T nelson put butts in the seats for the Incredibles? Probably not. but he was perfection. Whoever did Snow White's voice (sooooo, too lazy to look that up) was screechy beyond tolerance. And Sleeping Beauty sounds 45 when she sings. Which is creepy seeing as she's repeatedly announced to be 16 (and getting married, ick).

For always making your DVDs available for sale (although this will probably change since Disney owns you now) - Disney movies are kept in a "vault" and only released every few years. Supposedly this makes them collectors items or something, but really it is just a reason to charge $30 for them. And while typically I can't argue with the Disney machine's business acumen, this one if a real mistake, and I'll tell you why. The first reason is, my kids are into these movies NOW. And if i want to buy them, I'm going to - whether that ir through an established vendor or a used version off Ebay. If they are for sale now, Disney gets my money - if they're not, Disney doesn't. Cause I'm not buying those movies later - once my kids are over, we're over it. Delaying release just means you miss the boat on my cash. 2) when my kids love a movie we watch it. DAILY. And often break it or wear it out or lose it or need an extra copy for grandma's house. Which means, that even if a movie had been out in special release, once it's gone I can't replace it if needed. Again, missed revenue, Disney. We have so far bought two copies of The Incredibles (maybe 3, can't remember), and we need a new copy of Ratatouille. And probably Cars pretty soon given the current watch rate. That is money that is spent in my mind (nothing like a distraught kid demanding a movie you know is broken), and if they aren't available, do you know how upset I my kids will be? nothing pisses off mama bear like not being able to provide for her cubs (and yes, I am aware of the ridiculousnes of comparing a DVD to basic necessities. We can discuss materialism later). In short, Disney, you better rethink your "vault" strategy, because the way I figure it, if I could have I'd already have bought Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Aladdin (which I had to buy at Timeless Disney because it wasn't available), Mulan and Fantasia. That's over $100 at the prices you charge that you have missed out on. By contrast, we have bought every single Pixar movie (sometimes twice). And that's just our family. There are a million other little boys and girls out there who, by the time you decide to honor us with the ability to purchase your classics, will have grown up and out of even wanting them. Something to think about.

So keep up the good work, Pixar! Try to shake off the shackles of Disney DVD release rules, and maintain your current level of wonderous achievement. We'll be in line for every movie and each new title will be added to our collection poste haste.

ps: yay for Toy Story 3! Now please make a sequel to The Incredibles!

I'm Gonna Need My Left Handed Scissors

These people are funny in everything they do (especially Jennifer Coolidge). These ads are no exception.



ps: if you go to the video on YouTube, and read some of the comments criticizing this campaign and the whole down-with-personal-privacy idea of a census, blah diddy blah de blah, that is pretty funny too.

Human Target

You know what I don't need? Another show to watch every week. And to that end I try not to pay too much attention to the ads for new shows lest they suck me in. But add a night with not much on (ironic in light of my previous post) and my mom telling me something wasn't too bad, and I find myself watching Human Target. And liking it.

Dammit.

Pleasing actors, cool Bondsian opening credits (although the music was bad), and an exciting story line - this show isn't half bad. I don't think it's going to become my new favorite or anything, but I have definitely spent a worse hour watching tv. My only issue (and this bugged me just from the ads) is the name. This show is about a guy who protects other people. Sure, various bad guys are after the people he is protecting, but no one is really after him. So shouldn't the name be Human SHIELD? In one scene the woman being protected sees him pulling off a bullet proof vest and asks where hers is. He replies "I'm your vest."

Yep. Definitely Human Shield. Although admittedly that doesn't have as nice a ring to it.

It's Showtime!

Can I please ask why the hell every network schedules their shows for the same freaking times? The week nights are like the most ridiculous jackpots in terms of the shows I want to see (Wednesday and Thursday especially), and then the weekends are just pffft. Nothing. It was going all right - my DVR was maxxed out at two shows per time slot, but everything was handled until this week. When some of the USA original shows are coming back on. And instead of Fridays they are now during the week. When other stuff is on.

WHY DO THEY DO THIS?

Let me tell you, Assface Network Dipshits: there are people who stay home on Friday and Saturday nights. Did you hear me? They STAY AT HOME. And WATCH TELEVISION.

Call me lame, call me a loser, call me old, I don't care. The fact is I have three small children, an empty bank account, and a fat ass that couldn't squeeze into anything other than my sweat pants even if I wanted it to. I'm not going anywhere any time, pick a night of the week. And judging by the conversations and sheer volume that happens on Twitter on several of these nights, I'm thinking I'm not alone at home. So please, put something on for me to watch. Advertisers have taken into account the whole DVR time shift thing with product placement, so that cannot be what is driving these ridiculous decisions to put everything on at the same time. I get it, you're fighting for your market share. What I don't get is how you haven't figured out that you will get a bigger piece of the pie on a night when there is nothing else on. Duh. Go up against American Idol, the Biggest Loser and NCIS? No thanks. Go up against the reruns of weekly shows and various lame sporting events? Bring it on.

The way people view television is changing - ratings are vastly effected by time shifting and people watching shows on DVR at times other than when they originally aired. But DVRs are still limited - as far as I know most only tape two shows at one time - and you can't watch a third as those two are taping. So spread the wealth, networks - you have started airing original programming year round (remember the eternal rerun summer seasons of yore?) - so why not all week?

This is neither the coherent nor the empassioned argument I was hoping for when I sat down to write. But you cannot expect eloquence from an addict all worked up about disruptions in her supply stream. the best you can hope for is a rambling, confused missive, which is what you got.

The best I can hope for is to pester my husband until he breaks down and gets me a second DVR so I can have the majesty of taping/watching FOUR shows at once. Until then I'll hunch on my bed and suffer through commercials to watch the third show in any given timeslot.

The trials I bear, I tell you.

2010 Reading List

Why hello, there! Thought I forgot about you didn't ya? No, that could never happen! I've just been lacking topics, but hopefully with the return of new shows will come new commercials and movies to see and this blog will be bursting at the seams with entries! Here's one now:

in 2009 I read 50 books. And granted, I had three kids to take care of (totally alone for the first 6 months), as well as moving part way across the country, but considering how many of those books were super fast breeze reads, it is a pretty lame number. I had plenty of time to watch rerun tv and mass around online, so there should have been more books on that list. So this year I'm trying to set a goal of reading 100 books. That may prove way too ambitious given my schedule (and I'm already behind, haha), but I'm going to give it a go.

I've already read The Gathering Storm by Brandon Sanderson continuing Robert Jordan's work), which at almost 800 pages is a pretty good start.

Here's what I have stacked up to read next (not necessarily in this order):

The Glass Castle - Jeannette Walls
The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver
The Kingdoms of Thorne and Bone (a four book series) - Greg Keyes
Winterbirth (and sequel, which I can't remember the title of) - Brian Ruckley
about 5-7 various other random thriller books

I have a bunch more on my list that I haven't gotten yet. Any suggestions on what I should add?

What are you reading?