I Just Want To Brush My Teeth - Not Simulate An Earthquake

There is a commercial for the Oral-B electric toothbrush that emphasizes the vibrations of the brush by showing plates rattling and stuff shaking off of shelves while people brush their teeth. Does this strike anyone else as overkill? I certainly do not want a toothbrush that vibrates so violently that my dishes all the way in the kitchen start shaking while I'm brushing my teeth - that seems painful. And if it is able to shake me so hard that the stuff on my bathroom counter starts falling off, well, that just doens't sound like something I want in my mouth. How clean do your teeth need to be, anyway? My regular toothbrush does a fine job, and my electric one gives a nice gentle massage to my teeth and gums - I don't need sandblasting. I mean, the goal is to remove plaque and food, not enamel, right? I'd be afraid that the oral-B would eventually scrape my teeth down to nubs - assuming they didn't fall out from gum erosion first. And a nubby, toothless smile is not the look that I'm going for.

Irregularly Scheduled Programming

So last night, as usual, my DVR was set to tape Bones so I could watch it after the kids go to bed. However, unlike usual, last night the President decided to blab to the nation, resulting in my tape only recording 3/4 of the show. This is frankly unacceptable. Yeah, I know, we are never going to get the politicians to shut their mouths, but can the networks please have some sort of contingency in place for loyal viewers? According to tvbythenumbers.com (which may be crackpot, I don't really know), Bones is one of the highest time shifted shows on tv (meaning watched on DVR rather than live), with the season premier having over 2 million viewers watching on DVR. And let me tell you - those 2 million viewers are now pissed that they missed teh ending of this week's episode. I accpet that there really isn't anything the networks can do in terms of affecting the taping process, but perhaps they could utilize the internet a little better. Fox.com has full episodes available for viewing, but they only have up through last week's show. SO here is my suggestion: please upload your shows onto the internet faster. If they have aired on tv, they should be available online. It keeps you up to date in today's whirlwind media environment, and it calms down the irritated viewers who miss vital episodes due to stupid talking heads. As for me, I will very impatiently wait until I can watch the final 10 minutes of the show online, and I'll give the candidates a tip: you are going to foster a lot of ill will if you preempt too many prime time shows. Don't mess up my DVR schedule and maybe you'll get my vote.


note: the Fox website now has the latest episode available for viewing so I'm all up to date on whodunit.

Narrative Flaw

I just finished reading a book (Blindsight by Robin Cook), that featured two different narrative tricks: the first is where the reader solves the mystery way before the main characters because we have all the information, and the second being the trick of having the characters figure it out but the author doesn't explain the mystery until the very end. I have obviously come across both of these before, and they can be satisfying in their own way - but they absolutely do not work together. The first structure csan be fun because as a reader you have solved the problem and you are excited to see how the author will allow the main characters to discover what you already know. The second is only effective if the plot is so twisty you can't figure out the twist on your own, so when the main character does it is frustrating (in a good way) and you have to keep reading until the climax when everything is revealed. When both of these are used together all it does is make you think the characters are especially stupid - and when they finally figure it out but it still isn't explained you just think "yeah, we get it. Now finish the story already." Probably not the atmosphere of suspense the author was going for.

Fringe Benefits

Well, Fringe has officially been elected my favorite new show this season (actually, it may be the only new show I've watched this season, but no matter). It isn't surprising since it is by J.J. Abrams and I've liked all his other shows - Alias is one of my all time favorites. So far Fringe has been enjoyable - and it passes the desireability test in that I want to watch it every night. So I'm glad that it is back on tonight. Wow - this entry is really boring - I'm going to blame my lack of focus on Jack and Izzy, who are screaming to play with the computer and repeatedly elbowing me in the abdomen respectively.

The Project Runway Outreach Program

I would like to start this entry off by saying it is not my intention to be mean. I am certainly not trying to sit up on a high horse and ridicule anyone for being less genetically gifted than anyone else. But having said that, I must comment on last night's Project Runway. The episode featured the designers working for recent college graduates - trying to give them a look for their new careers. And I do not know what the casting requirements were, but they managed to put together a remarkable group of girls who were, shall we say, less than Heidi Klum-esque. Way less. The best among them would be lucky to qualify as average on her best day, and the worst, well, we'll just call them unique. The show also featured the girls' mothers, and the issues were certainly explained in that arena. And yes, I do feel bad mentioning this - it seems like a cheap shot - but I was actually sort of uncomfortable watching because of the extent of awkwardness on screen so I just had to comment. I mean, where did they get these girls? I certainly don't feel like everyone on television has to be gorgeous, but the degree of homely depicted in this episode seems to me like it would have taken effort to compile. And if the producers went out of their way to find unattractive women for the show hoping the designers would find them less than desireable to work with then that is just mean. Fortunately the designers all worked with class and seemed to really enjoy their clients - there were no catty comments on less than perfect bodies or anything else which was refreshing and somewhat surprising. And it was a pleasure to see the girls' mothers just beam with pride when their daughters stumped their way down the runway. But seriously, where did they find those girls?

Somebody Is Watching Too Much USA - Or Not Enough

Does anyone else notice the similarities between the new show The Mentalist and Psych? Both feature a character with unusually heightened skills of observation pretending to be psychics for the police. Yes, one looks as though it has quite a bit more comedy to it, but seriously, CBS, you are ripping off an existing show. Which I suspect you know since you are airing previews for your show during airings of Psych. Of course, there is certainly room for more than one show with a similar premise on TV (L&O, CSI, etc), but you could at least try to be a little subtler about it. And throwing in his catch phrase of "it's a gift, pause, pause, sort of" is just a bad rip off of Monk's trademark "it's a gift, and a curse." I meam, the pause could have been put in there just to let viewers fill in the rest on their own without having your character directly quote another network's show. And your promos - come on, the stuff he is noticing is so blatant and obvious that I totally don't buy the concept his powers of observation are special - any dope can see a big lipstick mark on some guy's collar. So I guess what I'm saying, is The Mentalist better step it up. I'm willing to give it a shot, but the goods better be better than the tease.

The Boob Tube Blahs

As a television addict, I have to say I am greeting this new season with a serious lack of interest. I'm not sure where it is coming from exactly- all the shows I like look good and there are definitely some new ones I'm interested in checking out. But I just don't actually feel like watching anything. I think maybe it is because I can't actually sit and watch a show as it comes on - I have to record it and wait until after the kids go to bed. And while I do really like watching shows and zipping through the commercials (although that affects my ability to comment here as I'm sure you've noticed by lack of content), there is sometihng special about checking the clock and making sure you have everything all ready to watch your favorite show as it comes on. Catching up with it on tape (yeah, yeah, DVR, whatever) just doesn't have that same "appointment television" feel about it. It almost feels like homework - like "I have to watch this" instead of "whee my favorite show is on!" Of course, even with this strange ennui I'm still making sure I see all of my shows - I haven't gone so crazy as to actually turn off the set.

Raise Your Arms If You Hate This Ad

So I really can't stand the Secret Flawless commerical where the girl keeps finding lame reasons to raise her arms as she walks around the city. (it is actually annoying enough that I didn't even know what brand it was for until I looked it up. I guess I blocked it out, but apparently there are lot of other people who despise it too and paid attention.) First off, the premise is totally stupid. Secondly, the girl herself manages to take a bad idea and make it even worse with her irritating personality. Good job. I think I hate when she hails the taxi and then says she's going to walk most of all. That's just mean, but it does explain why taxis just drive by when you try to hail them - they think you are playing tricks so you can flash your armpits.