All I want for Christmas is a Power Drill

Another seasonal Lowe's commercial has me peeved. In this one a guy asks a female sales lady to help him pick out a gift for his wife. This dunce goes through riding lawnmowers, a leaf blower and various powertools before settling on a gift card. The general idea of the commercial is cute, and the characters aren't nearly as annoying as the stupid lady from the other commercial, but come on - it's a commercial for Lowes. Unless this guy is married to my mom (and if he is she has some explaining to do to my dad) he is still going to be in the dog house unless he wises up and realizes the place to shop for his wife is not a hardware store.

Lyric-huh?

There is a commercial for a new drug called Lyrica that has me confused. The drug is for fibromyalgia and it shows a woman in an art studio (I think she teaches classes in painting). She is reading an entry from a diary about the pain from fibromyalgia. My question is: who is this woman and why should I trust her knowledge of this drug? Usually characters in pharmaceutical commercials fall into two categories - a doctor or someone who suffers from the problems the drug supposedly fixes. That way you either have expert opinions or first hand testimony. But that is never clear in this commercial. Is the woman reading from her own diary or someone else's? Why is she teaching art? She never once says that she feels much better since she has been taking Lyrica so I don't fell like she has the disease and can really convince me the drug works, and as far as I know art teachers are not trustworthy judges or pharmaceutical efficacy. And the final straw is the woman's squeaky voice. Annoying all around.

A Classic Trend

There is a clear trend this winter of using the characters from the old TV Christmas classics like rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman in advertising. They have popped up in numerous commercials for Big Lots and Alltel, with varying degrees of success. My favorite, however, is the one for Aflac, where Rudolph has been injured and the duck (or is he a goose?) has to fill in. Aflac commercials are consistently among my favorites - love the one with the sheep - and this doesn't fail to amuse me. Oddly enough I never really cared for the Christmas shows themselves. I guess I can only tolerate the characters in 30 second spots.

Truth in Advertising

Shouldn't there be a little more truth in advertising these days? Ads for wrinkle cream should have old people in them, or at least someone over 35. I understand the motivation, and I certainly prefer looking at attractive people much more than I do total dogs, but there should still be some relevance in the people cast and the product they are selling. I'm pretty sure there are some models out there over the age of 50. Maybe it's her, maybe it's Maybelline? Well guess what? It's her. I can buy all the Maybelline I want- it ain't gonna make me look like those girls do. Commercials for cleaning products are also to blame. Squirting ink on a shirt seconds before washing it doesn't indicate stain fighting effectiveness - no stain sets that fast. And spraying cleanser on spills that are obviously fresh isn't helpful either - i could wipe that up with a paper towel alone. Show me some real, ground in messes! One particular commercial that has been brought to my attention is for Tide Pure Essentials with baking soda. It features a little boy and his blankie and the voice over is saying that the blankie is dirty and tattered, etc, except that it is clearly brand new. Would it have killed them to get an old blankie? Or at least drag the new one around the parking lot a few times to actually get it dirty? Stupid.

Star Power

Obviously, using celebrities to sell your items has been in practice since the dawn of advertising. "Real life testimonials" have also been popular, and it was only a matter of time until the two concepts were combined. The most evident of these are the Geico commercials where bizarre celebrities (Little Richard, Charo) are used to help regular customers tell their stories. I find these fairly enjoyable - it varies depending on the celebrity but overall they are pretty funny. The most recent addition to the crossover genre in Dell, which features a young guy talking about wanting a Dell computer. Burt Reynolds suddenly interrupts him, telling us he can't hear him because he isn't famous. Then Burt goes on the suggest using Dell's star power to convince people to buy you a Dell (Chuck Liddell as the "Hard Sell" and Brooke Burke as the "Soft Sell"). I like this commercial for several reasons - first it is amusing. Second, it isn't actually selling Dell; it assumes you already want one and so it is just telling you how to get someone to buy it for you. I think this assumption of desire serves well to subconciously plant the idea in people's heads that they want a Dell. And thirdly, who doesn't love a chance to see Burt Reynolds? (man, it's hard to type sarcastically)

Sissy Boy Truck

They have brought back the Toyota Tacoma commercial which shows two guys eating in their car and one of them places a drink on the dash, whereby the driver puts a coaster underneath it. The intended message is that the tacoma is more luxurious inside than your average truck. The message delivered is quite different, however. First, by placing the drink on the dash, it seems as though the truck doesn't have cup holders - a feature found on pretty much every vehicle, and one that most people enjoy and would be sorry to lose. Not a good selling point (and false since according to one discussion I found there are 9 cupholders in the tacoma). Second, the finicky owner sends a message that only sissy boys who worry about water rings drive this truck. Probably a worse selling point. Thirdly, the guys are sitting in a driveway eating - why don't they just go in the house? Not really a selling point at all, but stupid nonetheless.

Holi-Dumb

The Hyundai Holi-Duh sales even has to be one of the stupidest ideas ever. Are you calling us stupid for not buying your cars? Great way to get me to buy one. And who came up with this cast of characters 'duhhing' their way trough the Christmas classics? The guy whose sideburns are clearly drawn on? Crazy wide eyes? And of course, my favorite - the old man who is at least one hundred and twelve and who can't even lip synch the duhs with everyone else. These commercials get a big Duh from me but not in the way they are hoping. More in a "oh they got cancelled? DUH!" way.

Rise and Shop

Well, it's here: the biggest shopping day of the year. When all of the stores open early for special sales, and legions of idiots line up to buy things that have been available for weeks and will still be available for weeks to come. Many of the stores have been advertising that they will open at 6 am, but two stores (Kohl's and JC Penney) have decided to get a jump on things by opening even earlier, at 4 am!!! Who seriously needs to buy Christmas presents so badly today that they are going to get up and go shopping at 4 am? Insane. If I was in charge of teh stores I would run a "sale" at that time and mark everything up by 15%. If people are so stupid as to get up that early than I want to take advantage of their sleep deprivation and limited reasoning skills to rip them off. They deserve it. As for me - I think I'll take advantage of the wonders of the internet to do all my shopping online where I never have to deal with lines or crowds or parking, and the stores are open 24 hours a day.

The Signs of Stupid

I recently heard a commercial on the radio that had a character continuing to work despite having his hair on fire. It stated “you wouldn’t ignore this, why ignore the signs of a stroke?” I don't know, maybe because the signs of a stroke are just a wee bit subtler? I mean, I get it, strokes are very serious and shouldn’t be ignored, but this is a stupid way of framing it. Tell us the signs of stroke are just as important as having your head a flame – don’t just assume we know that. Other wise the comparison of numbness and slurred speech to a burning coif seems a little exaggerated.

Interesting Article on the Writers' Strike

Pepto Abysmal

I am not thrilled with the Pepto Bismol commercials lately. The theme song they have used for a few years was tolerable – it was certainly a catchy way to discuss a distasteful subject. But now they have started airing commercials of “auditions,” featuring less than talented performers. I’m not really interested in hearing people who can’t carry a tune, and in many cases barely speak English, sing about intestinal maladies. Maybe they’re just trying to make us sick so we’ll buy more Pepto.

Snickers really satisfies

I am enjoying the new Snickers campaign which features randomly dressed characters (pilgrim, Viking) and their disproportionate reactions to Snickers bars: “sound a feasting horn!” I don’t know exactly what the message is here, but I enjoy the spots nonetheless. Starburst has some similarly odd commercials – my favorite being the man who, inexplicably dressed in velvet short pants with matching jacket and ruffled shirt, does a little dance and sings about how much he loves berries and cream. Crazy people like their candy.

Nature loves a sing along

I like the new Jeep Liberty commercial where the guy is driving along and various animals leap into the car and begin singing along to the radio(see it here). It would be stupid or a little too precious, except for the addition of the wolf leaping into the sunroof and eating one of the birds. The driver’s look of disbelief is great. He doesn’t look upset about the apparent death of the bird – more puzzled that the wolf would mess with the back up singing. Very funny.

Dominos Double take

The commercial for Dominos new crispy melt pizza bears some close attention. The dialogue is discussing how the pizza is one thing and then another, and as the camera switches from the delivery boy to the customer, each character changes actors. A clever and subtle way to enforce the message.

Classic movie silliness

There is a promo for a segment on our local news this week featuring a scene from an old silent movie (or a facsimile of an old silent movie) where the villain ties the girl to the train tracks and it has me wondering: what is up with that? This is such a standard image and I never really thought about it before, but what does the villain hope to accomplish by tying up the heroine? Is he stalling the hero so he can commit crimes while the hero is busy freeing the girl? This seems unlikely since the villain is usually driving the train, so is he just sadistic and wants to see girls squashed? Seems like an awful lot of trouble, especially since the fact he has to walk or ride his horse all the way back to get his private train that he then drives towards the girl always seems to take so much time the hero can of course rescue her. I guess it didn’t matter back then because movies were so fascinating people would watch anything (seriously – I have seen what is basically home footage from the early 1900’s of a baby eating that lasts over an hour. wheee). Still, it’s a pretty weird plot element.

Master Card Priceless

Here’s a commercial for MasterCard that I think needs to get made:
Prenatal care: $1250
Ultrasound: $530
Hospital Stay: $8000
Meeting Your Son: priceless

Or with a little humor -
Prenatal vitamins:$6
Prenatal yoga tapes: $20
Lamaze coach: $50
Epidural - priceless

Freaky Fruits

I can't quite decide if I like or loathe the Fruit of the Loom commercials. The idea of the guys in fruit suits being rock stars or whatever is kind of funny, but some of the commercials are really weird. For example, what is up with the commercial where they are in concert and Grape's cell phone rings? The lyrics to the song are amusing enough so I don't understand why that was thrown in. Maybe they couldn't figure out how to end the song, or else there is a whole backstory there we aren't getting. The other one I don't get is the one where they are all sitting around reading fan letters, and somebody sends Apple (the clear fan favorite) an apple pie. Does this strike anyone else as odd? I for one don't understand why the apple would want to eat an apple pie. Creepy.

Obvious Insight

I am not enjoying the current commercials for Match.com for several reasons. First, they are stupid. Second, they are annoying. The random people doing random things does not spark my interest and in fact makes me think that if those are the losers I might meet on the website then I'll stay as far away as possible, thank you very much. But the most annoying thing is the advertising of "insights by Dr. Phil." Now, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan by any means, but I can't fault him for making millions just for telling people things they already know. Come on though - let's not call it insight, people. If someone walks past me and trips, and I point and say "you tripped," I'm not being insightful, I'm just being observative. If someone comes to me and complains that they only date losers and I tell them to meet better people without offering any advice on how to do it, then not only am I not being insightful, I'm also kind of a jerk. But hey, if the dingbats out there are buying, so be it. Where do I get in line to sell?

Orville Redencreepy

I am so glad that Redenbacher popcorn has stopped running the uber-creepy commercials that featured a CG version of founder Orville Redenbacher. What were they thnking? I mean really, the guy is dead - get a new (alive) family member, or change tactics althogether. I'm not sure I have ever seen anything so icky as those commercials, and clearly the advertisers agreed since they pulled the campaign in favor of old commercials featuring the real man. I think this campaign ranks up there with the all time bad advertising decisions - the winner of which is M&M's refusal to allow Steven Spielberg to use their product in E.T. Sure worked out nicely for Reese's pieces, but I bet whoever made that decision got fired.

Writer's Block

The strike is on in Hollywood and there are no writers for tv, movies, whatnot. While it is hard to sympathize with anyone in Hollywood since they all seem to be billionaires, the producers offer of small percentages because the current revenues are small is asinine. A percentage is a percentage right? If the takes are small the payout is small and if they are large... Anyway, I better get to work on my screen play.

God Save the King

Always a fan of Burger King, I have enjoyed their wonderfully bizarre mascot in their commercials. Especially the one for their breakfast sandwiches where a guy opens his window shade and The King is standing there smiling and hands him a sandwich. So odd and slightly creepy yet funny. The new campaign with the housewives trying to knock him off is good too. Not necesarily the one where they try to hire a hitman, but the one where they try to run him down with a minivan is pretty silly.

Forget This

I really hate the current commercial for Lowes’ that features a woman who is apparently deranged or a total moron, pantomiming all of the Christmas items she needs. It is offensive to people who actually suffer from memory issues (and stupid people), and annoying to everyone else. I also really hate the Little Caesar’s commercial where the woman gets out of the car and grills the poor guy standing on the street that the special price is good everyday (Monday? Yes. Tuesday? Yes. Chinese New Year? Yes. Etc). I’m not sure what bothers me more – that she won’t just accept it and get back in her car or the fact that the guy just keeps answering and never just slaps her. That’s what I would have to do, which explains why I’m no longer in customer service.

amendment to inexplicable, incomprehensible, inexcusable

I posted that the small writing in the meningitis commercial said 21 in 100,000 kids wold get the disease. I've seen it again and there is a decimal point - so it is actually 2.1 in 100,000. Even less likely makes the commercial even more offensive.

Toss me an explanation

There is a new commercial for Suzuki advertising that their cars have the #1 warranty. It features people driving around in Suzuki cars and throwing a set of keys to each other. There are several things that confuse me about this: first, the people are already driving around, what do they need keys for? The people playing are actually all passengers, so maybe they need keys so they don’t have to bum rides from whoever is driving, but still, they clearly aren’t hurting for transportation. Secondly, what does any of this have to do with the warranties? Nonsense is irritating.

Not Just Phoning it in

I really enjoy the Cingular commercials featuring dropped calls. My favorites are the one with the mother telling her daughter not to make the same mistake she did by getting married in Vegas, the one with the guy calling a girl after a first date: his expression when he realizes he has just said he wouldn't kiss his sister is great, and of course, the one with the butcher who asks if the meat supplier's wife has eaten all of the roast beef. He just keeps digging himself deeper in that one.
I also like the commercials for Comcast Digital Voice which feature people making phone calls hoping for different responses now that they are on Comcast Digital Voice. The best one of these features a man with full body striped tattoos calling the tatto artist who can be heard saying (with fabulous Asian accent) "I tell you tattoo permanent. You human tiger now!" Awesome

A sweeping good time

An old commercial has recently been airing again for the Dirt Devil broomvac. This commercial features several people at a dinner or cocktail party in someone’s house, and one of the guests spills something. The host immediately gets out enough broomvacs for everyone, and they all begin to sweep while performing a synchronized dance. Now I suppose this could be a gathering of Stomp members and they might believably dance together even in their off time, but seriously, who has that many broomvacs? I don’t want to go to parties if I have to clean the host’s house – that’s the whole point of visiting someone else’s house instead of having the party at my house!

Feel Free to 'Meet The Robinsons'

Last night we rented Meet the Robinsons, and it is one of the best movies I've seen in a while. The first half is hysterically funny - completely random comments, occurances and characters keep popping up. Obviuosly the second half has more to do with resolving the plot and imparting the message, and it is a kids movie so the ending isn't a surprise, but it is still enjoyable and totally worth it for the off hand dialogue thrown in. The writiers might have been on drugs, but this is one case where randomness works - it is quirky and funny and it all meshes well rather than just being weird for the sake of being wierd. I think this may be a movie that parents like more than the kids, who may not fully appreciate the wonderfuly bizarre.

An Eat Free Card?

there is a new commercial for Progresso soups advertising several of their soups as being worth 0 points on the Weight Watchers system. Now, admittedly I don't know exactly how the system works, but I think you get a certain numbre of points per day that you can eat and you can 'spend' them however you want. I would assume that the points relate to calories as well as fat or sugar content. Now, what I don't understand is how anything besides ice can have 0 points. This soup has 60 calories per serving, which is great, but still a caloric intake. So how is that worth zero? I don't think people out there are going to be sitting around eating 10 cans of soup (1200 calories - a full days worth) and then thinking 'hey, I can still eat that cake and not go over my points' and ignoring the fact that they have now ingested 2500 calories that day, but still - I don't get how it can be worth nothing.

Eragon; error full

Last night Eragon was on TV and I was reminded of just how disappointing the movie was. I had really looked forward to seeing it when it came out, having loved the book as well as its sequel. Anyway, my husband and I used up one of our rare nights out to go see it in the theater, and man, was that a waste. Not that the movie itself was that bad (you can't expect much from a first time director and the writer of Jurassic park 3): it's not going to be on the top of anyone's list, but it isn't the worst of all time either (The Black Hole anyone?). The problem is that the movie barely resembles the book at all. Now I am not a purist by anymeans, I fully accept changes from source material when it is necessary for cinematic purposes. Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings movies are perfect examples of this: nothing was changed that was absolutely necessary. When you have an epic novel obviously certains things need to be cut out or manipulated to make the movie a reasonable length and to draw in new fans. None of the changes in Eragon did this. Instead we had expanded character parts (John Malkovich overacting as Galbatorix, an character only referred to in the book), and a ridiculous ending battle that bear no resemblance to the book (flying smoke demons?). It is such a shame that this movie did such a disservice to the book, its author and the fans - it had the potential to bring to life a wonderful story and introduce new people to the world of Eragon and his dragon (explore it here). Hopefully some day someone with good intentions and actual directing (and screen writing) abilities will make the movie the book deserves.