Book Club Book Three

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I really enjoyed this book, although I would recommend that it be read a chapter at a time with time spent thinking before starting a new chapter, rather than all at once like a novel. I read it all in a couple of days, and while it was a fast read and easy to get through (and certainly pulled me through because I was interested to see the progression of her journey) I would have preferred to take a little more time to get something out of it for myself. but I can always re-read for that.

In general this book is about one woman's year long experiment trying to make herself happier within her own life. She set out to give herself goals and resolutions to follow, with the goal of increasing her own personal happiness while also not changing anything about her life in general. She acknowledged that her life was already happy and fulfilling, but she wanted to see if it could be even happier. Each month she focused on a different aspect of her life (marriage, parenting, spiritual, money, etc), and worked to find ways to make those areas of her life happier. Now, her choices and methodology are certainly not going to apply to everyone - she admits that from the beginning. But she isn't setting out to write a book telling people how they can become happier, she is setting out to explain how she became happier.

Certainly, there were things she focused on or chose to do (or stop doing), that I didn't agree with, or wouldn't really apply to my life. But there were also several revelations that really resonated with me. The first was that, while we can choose what we do, we can't choose what we like to do. I moved to Steamboat because the idea of being someone who hikes and skis, and enjoys being out in nature being active and healthy really appealed to me. But after several years of forcing myself to hit the slopes, of feeling guilty when I wasn't out enjoying the lifestyle available to me, and miserable when I was, I had to accept that no matter how much I want to be that person, I am not. And that is a hard thing to admit - that our dreams for who we could be are not always in sync with who we actually are. But as disappointing as it was to realize I was never going to be flying down the slopes with my husband loving life, I am happier fr having accepted that aspect of my personality, and now I am free to explore activities that I truly do enjoy.

The other thing that made the biggest impact on me was her theory that what we admire most in others is often something that has waiting potential in ourselves. For example, admiring a friend's fashion sense might indicate that you wish to spend some time exploring your own fashion sense. This hit a chord with me because I often find myself admiring people on the street or other bloggers, but I don't often take the time to evaluate what it is about them I am most drawn to, and how I might apply that interest towards my own personal growth.

In general, while I feel that this book could be interesting and helpful to almost anyone, I will admit that it probably rang truer for me because I see many similarities between myself and the author. One of her biggest sources of happiness was eliminating clutter in her home, and even becoming a bit of a crusader about clearing the clutter out of her friends' home as well. For some people this might come across as excessive or irritating or unnecessary - what does having a place for everything have to do with happiness?- but for me it was an absolute truth because clutter really does play a part in my own mental clarity and ability to relax and be happy.

I don't know that I will be embarking on my own Happiness Project having read this book. But I do feel I have some new tools to apply to the job of living; thoughts that have consolidated things I've been dancing around for a while, and ideas for moving forward in my own life with happiness and calm. One of her conclusions at the end of the book was that in general she didn't find herself with more of the positive happy feelings than she had in the beginning. But she found herself with less of the bad feelings. Less guilt, regrets, resentment. And that is something I could live with. Or without. you know what I mean.

next month: The Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick


ps: I do have one bone to pick - the subtitle of this book is: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun . And indeed, she sings in the morning, cleans her closets, learns to fight right and generally has more fun. Never once does she mention actually reading Aristotle. Irrelevant and yet it irks me.