A Deep Breath Of Lame Air

So there's this commercial where a guy gets on an elevator, and then lots of other, presumably annoying people get on after him. It is an understandably frustrating situation, and his response is to pop a Halls cough drop into his mouth, which results in everyone else being flung away and squished into the walls of the elevator. Um, what? I thought the purpose of Halls was to soothe a sore throat or help with coughing, not make your breath so noxious that the people in the immediate vicinity are completely incapacitated and rendered two dimensional. Stupid.

Oh My Aching Head

There is a new migraine medicine on the market, Treximet. In the commercials, women suffering from migraines are standing around holding their heads - at waist level. Apparently migraines are so awful you would prefer being decapitated, presuming of course that you could still go about your day of shopping and hawking drugs on tv. Not being a migraine sufferer myself, I feel like I would rather deal with the headache and keep my hands free for other things. All I know is this spot is bad enough to make me need some heavy duty headache medicine myself - which on second thought might be a really clever ad campaign.

I've Got Dumb In A Bottle

Because there was a comment on this ad - I want to talk about the Zyrtec commercial which says "I've got time ina bottle." So stupid. You don't have time in a bottle, idiot, you just have allergy medication. Medication which apparently makes you think in lame metaphors related to old songs. Maybe Zyrtec works faster than Claritin (seriously, what medication takes 2 hours to work? Can that be right?), but it doesn't give you any time you didn't already have. Perhaps you would sit at home doing nothing at all until your meds kicked in (if so, buck up, loser, its just a runny nose), but my assumption is that most people can still manage to function while suffering from their allergies. And if you can't do the kind of math involved to figure out when you need to take your pills so that the effects never fully wear off in between doses, than you have bigger problems than hayfever my friend. By the way, since Zyrtec supposedly makes you drowsier than Claritin, have fun using your two new hours to nap.

Gesund-Here's Some Medicine

There is a new product from Benadryl for children that has premeasured amounts in individual containers that makes it easier to give to your kids when you are on the go. In general I think this is a pretty good idea, however there are some issues. First of all, where are you going so often that you have to carry the Benadryl with you? I mean it lasts 6 hours, so you think you could probably avoid having to carry it with you at all times. Secondly, since it makes almost everyone drowsy (eveny the non drowsy versions send me into an antihistimine coma) do you really want to be giving it to your kids when you are at the park? They are likely to pass out and fall of the slide. But my main issue is with the commercial. It shows two moms at the park and one kids comes up and sneezes so the mom whips out the huge bag of medicine to give her kids something for the sneezing but she can't find anything in her mess of a medicine bag. The other mom's kid comes up and he sneezes, and she has this convenient single serving Benadryl so she gives it to her kid and lends one to the other mom as well. I think this commercial demonstrates a terrible sign of overmedication. I mean obviously we are supposed to think that these kids have demonstrated allergies before, but seriously - one sneeze does not neccessitate Benadryl. And I can't think of any reason to have an entire medicince cabinet in my purse unless my kids are terminally ill - in which case we are probably not playing at the park. People today are so desperate to alleviate any possible sign of illness - get over it people. Kids cough and sneeze sometimes - we all do. It doesn't mean we have allergies and it certainly shouldn't be met with an immediate application of Benadryl. All that is going to do is make your kids high, and possibly learn to fake it in order to get medicine. I know people whose kids start coughing every night in order to get cough drops. And you are crazy if you think overmedicating your kid is better than letting them get sick once in a while.

Yum, Minty, Kind Of

I have recently had this persistent tickle in the back of my throat that kicks in every night just as I lay down to sleep. Most irritating. Last night it finally occured ot me that it isn't really a cough and so I should try a histamine blocker instead of couch medicine. And fortunately we had some Benadryl quick dissolving strips laying around. These are great. They are like those breath strips that seem like little pieces of plastic and then dissolve on your tongue, burning a minty sensation into it. And since it is Benadryl it typically knocks me right out, which is also wonderful because then there isn't any issue of snoring keeping me awake. But I did notice one strange thing, and that is the flavor - vanilla mint. Now this is not the type of product where there is a vast selection in flavor, a la gum or toothpaste. Benadryl is pretty much one taste suits all, so I'm wondering why they picked vanilla mint. Why not just regular mint? Or peppermint? Because it seems to me that the section of the populace that likes their mint mixed with vanilla is most likely only slightly larger than the section buying the disgusting sounding lemon mint toothpaste. I'm just not sure what the motivation was here in terms of R&D - ' okay, guys, let's take a flavor that pretty much everyone likes, and add something slightly weird to it so that it only sort of tastes good and leaves a weird aftertaste.' Great idea, Bob. It is so refreshing to have a product that you can take without water require you to have some water on hand to wash the peculiar taste out of your mouth. Good call.

Prevention is the Best Medicine

I saw a commercial a few weeks back for Humana Gold Plus health insurance. This particular plan is a Medicare supplement, meaning that it covers whatever Medicare doesn't and is therefore only for seniors. What I thought was great however, was that this plan comes with a gym membership in many areas. Obviously Humana believes that it is worth a little expense to keep patients healthy and fit so that in the end they will end up needng less medical care. This is unusual thinking for an insurance company in my mind, and even more so for a Medicare supplement plan since Medicare itself doesn't share these views. In fact, Medicare will not pay for any annual check ups for its members,other than the initial evaluation needed within the first 6 months of obtaining Medicare. If more insurance companies took the view that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, maybe the healthcare situation in this country wouln't be so dire. (Of course there are many other issues that need fixing as well, but taking a focus on getting healthier seems like a good place to start)

This Commercial Has to Go

Yet another infuriating pharmacuetical commercial - this time for Detrol LA. In it a woman is sneaking to the bathroom so everyone won't know just how often she has to go. Stupid. Once she gets to the bathroom, the 'girl' symbol on the door hops off and enters with her to talk about Detrol LA. Even stupider. The woman then begins to take medical advice from a 2 dimensional cartoon drawing that moments ago was on the front off a door and is now sitting on a couch with her. So beyond stupid I don't have a word for it. The fact that the symbol gets life size when she gets down off the door and is small again when she gets back up - probably the least of this commercials problems but irritating nonetheless. I cannot even begin to express how idiotic this ad is - even writing this now I am almost dumbstruck (it's so bad its stupidity has spread!) by the fact someone would agree to film and broadcast this swill. If I'm visiting the restroom so often the sign begins to talk to me, either I have had way to much at the bar, or I will take its advice to see a doctor - only about my apparent hallucinations rather then my bladder. This commercial is so bad I feel it necessary to endorse a competing drug - for bladder issues ask your doctor about Enablex: I don't know if it works, but the perky little ballons in its commercials are way less annoying.

Lyric-huh?

There is a commercial for a new drug called Lyrica that has me confused. The drug is for fibromyalgia and it shows a woman in an art studio (I think she teaches classes in painting). She is reading an entry from a diary about the pain from fibromyalgia. My question is: who is this woman and why should I trust her knowledge of this drug? Usually characters in pharmaceutical commercials fall into two categories - a doctor or someone who suffers from the problems the drug supposedly fixes. That way you either have expert opinions or first hand testimony. But that is never clear in this commercial. Is the woman reading from her own diary or someone else's? Why is she teaching art? She never once says that she feels much better since she has been taking Lyrica so I don't fell like she has the disease and can really convince me the drug works, and as far as I know art teachers are not trustworthy judges or pharmaceutical efficacy. And the final straw is the woman's squeaky voice. Annoying all around.

Pepto Abysmal

I am not thrilled with the Pepto Bismol commercials lately. The theme song they have used for a few years was tolerable – it was certainly a catchy way to discuss a distasteful subject. But now they have started airing commercials of “auditions,” featuring less than talented performers. I’m not really interested in hearing people who can’t carry a tune, and in many cases barely speak English, sing about intestinal maladies. Maybe they’re just trying to make us sick so we’ll buy more Pepto.

Asleep at the wheel

I have noticed another delightful warning mentioned on Lunesta commercials. They suggest that you call your doctor if you walk, eat or DRIVE while sleeping. Awesome - so this sleeping pill really only makes you unconcious while your body goes around doing other stuff like driving to the store and cramming cake in your face. I enough trouble not eating when I am awake, I certainly dont want to have to worry about doing it in my sleep too. And driving is dangerous enough with just the drunks and idiots out there, but now we have to watch out for sleep-drivers? Nothing like waking up after a good night's Lunesta induced coma to find out you've driven across state lines and gained twenty pounds.

Possible Side Effects

I love all of the drug commercials statements of possible side effects – especially ones that include coma or death which to me aren’t really side effects but more like permanent failures of the medicine. Side effects I can live with, they might make life a little less pleasant but they are tolerable – death not so much. I also like that the sleep aid Lunesta lists drowsiness as a side effect. Isn’t that the main effect? Don’t you expect a sleeping pill to make you drowsy? I also enjoy the side effects for all the drugs marketed for restless leg syndrome. Along with all the usual suspects they include increased gambling or sexual urges. So you can sit still finally, but you’re going to do it at a poker table where you’ll risk losing your 401k. Awesome. Personally I think people with restless leg syndrome just need to stop drinking triple shot espressos all day, but no one is lining up to give me a medical degree so what do I know.

Faith in Medicine

I noticed recently on a commercial for a new drug Veramyst (don’t remember what it is for –asthma maybe?) that in small letters at the bottom of the screen it says “the way Veramyst works is not totally understood.” Excuse me? First of all, how does a drug get FDA approval if we don’t know how it works? Secondly, do they really expect people to take a medicine that isn’t fully understood by their doctor? Not that any doctor is going to admit that of course, but geez. Might as well just call it magic or the will of God. Hey there’s an idea – market it solely to Christians and say it works through Jesus’ love.