It's Showtime!

Can I please ask why the hell every network schedules their shows for the same freaking times? The week nights are like the most ridiculous jackpots in terms of the shows I want to see (Wednesday and Thursday especially), and then the weekends are just pffft. Nothing. It was going all right - my DVR was maxxed out at two shows per time slot, but everything was handled until this week. When some of the USA original shows are coming back on. And instead of Fridays they are now during the week. When other stuff is on.

WHY DO THEY DO THIS?

Let me tell you, Assface Network Dipshits: there are people who stay home on Friday and Saturday nights. Did you hear me? They STAY AT HOME. And WATCH TELEVISION.

Call me lame, call me a loser, call me old, I don't care. The fact is I have three small children, an empty bank account, and a fat ass that couldn't squeeze into anything other than my sweat pants even if I wanted it to. I'm not going anywhere any time, pick a night of the week. And judging by the conversations and sheer volume that happens on Twitter on several of these nights, I'm thinking I'm not alone at home. So please, put something on for me to watch. Advertisers have taken into account the whole DVR time shift thing with product placement, so that cannot be what is driving these ridiculous decisions to put everything on at the same time. I get it, you're fighting for your market share. What I don't get is how you haven't figured out that you will get a bigger piece of the pie on a night when there is nothing else on. Duh. Go up against American Idol, the Biggest Loser and NCIS? No thanks. Go up against the reruns of weekly shows and various lame sporting events? Bring it on.

The way people view television is changing - ratings are vastly effected by time shifting and people watching shows on DVR at times other than when they originally aired. But DVRs are still limited - as far as I know most only tape two shows at one time - and you can't watch a third as those two are taping. So spread the wealth, networks - you have started airing original programming year round (remember the eternal rerun summer seasons of yore?) - so why not all week?

This is neither the coherent nor the empassioned argument I was hoping for when I sat down to write. But you cannot expect eloquence from an addict all worked up about disruptions in her supply stream. the best you can hope for is a rambling, confused missive, which is what you got.

The best I can hope for is to pester my husband until he breaks down and gets me a second DVR so I can have the majesty of taping/watching FOUR shows at once. Until then I'll hunch on my bed and suffer through commercials to watch the third show in any given timeslot.

The trials I bear, I tell you.

Still Waiting For My Paycheck

When did entertainment become a job? I have a stack of magazines four months thick with new ones coming in weekly, not to mention a constantly reloading DVR and a pile of books also awaiting my attention. And I'm wondering, why do I feel this pressure to keep up with it all? I think on average I read about 20 magazines a month, 60 books a year, and watch countless hours of "must see" tv. And none of it is necessary (other than for my enjoyment), but it all feels so important. I go through the Entertainment Weekly (pick your season) movie and tv preview editions with a pad of paper making lists of what I want to see. I have not missed a single issue of that magazine practically since it came out, which was in...1990. Crazy. For weeks I have had a stack of these magazines (dating back to the beginning of JULY when moving made me put them off until later) sitting on my counter causing me anxiety over when I could find the time to read them. After all, I had to use my available free time to keep up with my other weekly magazines (can't fall behind in teh celeb gossip)or to watch on of the three or four shows I tape every night. And yet, I couldn't just get rid of them and start fresh. Just like I could never bring myself to erase the Tin Man miniseries on my old DVR even though I knew that if I hadn't watched it in the two years since it had aired I was probably never going to. It's like a compulsion to never miss a single item of pop culture that might delight or otherwise entertain me. I make lists of the books I want to read, try and figure out a perfect schedule for taping television shows to maximize the number of things I can see, and always make time for my magazines, blogs, etc. But if it is causing me stress, no matter how little, isn't that kind of a problem? This is entertainment, not life or death. yes, I may think some of the previews or reviews sound intriguing and will tickle my fancy, but is anything going to happen if I DON"T see them? Something else great will always come along after all. There are always Netflick nights when nothing else can be found and I can go back to something that I may have missed the first time around. The world will keep turning and there will always be great entertainment to be found. But in the meantime, I'll be busy catching up.


ps: I just got done with all my back issues of EW today. This week I will be attempting tackle all the back issues of my fashion magazines.

Back To Basic

I deeply love my DVR. It is probably the most fantastic thing I own , after my tv itself. Oooh, and my blackberry - I love me some crckberry too. But this is about my DVR. I am a fullblown tv addicit. If tv was like a real drug, I would not be a functioning addict, I would totally be the dirty, scabby, lying in doorways panhandling addict. It is hard for me to go an hour without the tv being on, unless I am absorbed in a good book. As a mom, with kids who actually expect to come out of their rooms occassionally I have accepted that my preferred viewing choices are not appropriate for them, and so I subject myself to Disney Channel during the day. But does that mean I have to miss my favorite shows? No, indeed it does not. Thanks to the magic of DVR I can record all of my favorites and remain free to put the kids to bed when they are actually tired instead of rushing to do it before House comes on. I can then watch at my leisure, with my only real concern being my bladder bursting because I FFWD the commercials instead of getting up to relieve myself. I can also, on occassion, even record something for the kids, which we will then watch over and over and over. And over. Basically DVR is god's gift to television loving mortals, and I am ever so grateful. Today, I had to give our DVR cable boxes back to the cable company to prepare for our move. This is acceptable because there are no shows I need to watch this weekend - in fact, I am free of 'must record' programming until Wednesday. But let me tell you, if my new system is not up and running by then, there will be some serious freaking out. because a girl needs her fix.